“You have to stop thinking that you’ll be stuck in your current situation forever…Don’t confuse a season, for a lifetime.” Brittney Moses
I’ve heard several reports recently referencing how the call volume on inquiries into divorce attorneys has increased by anywhere between 50%-70% in the last several weeks.
I have a client who – after a great deal of soul-searching – has made the difficult decision to end her marriage of 30+ years.
She began moving through the steps that follow such a realization:
She shared her decision with her husband.
They had several subsequent conversations as he was moving from denial… to bargaining… to anger… and even to moments of acceptance.
She gave both of them several weeks to process the realization and let the enormity of it sink in before making any additional sudden moves.
And during that time, their state ordered everyone to stay-at-home for the health and safety during the pandemic. But now she felt stuck. “I’m not able to move forward until this pandemic ends and one of us can leave.”
And she was scared that she would fall back into the same old patterns and another six months would go by and she’d still be in the same place in her marriage that she was six months prior.
As her coach, it’s my job to challenge those thoughts:
You’re stuck. Is that true?
What could you be doing right now to feel like you’re making some progress?
After some exploring, she realized that she wasn’t actually stuck. There was plenty that would need to be done and she could certainly use this time to move some of those projects forward.
She and her husband were going to build a small home on a piece of property they had that one of them would ultimately move to once it was complete. She could begin brainstorming what that house would look like and drawing up plans.
Then, she contacted her divorce attorney and got some clarity about the financial documents she would need to pull together. Thirty years and a successful business together came with a great deal of paperwork.
And she could nurture herself and take care of herself during this time – because even though she was the one making the decision to end the marriage, that doesn’t mean she gets to by-pass the pain and the loss of essentially the only man she’s ever known and someone who had been her best friend for a very long time.
My client wasn’t stuck.
Neither are you.
Stuck is a feeling resulting from a choice in the midst of a circumstance, rather than the circumstance itself.
There is always something productive we can do to help ourselves move forward in whatever direction we’re heading.
That might be having some long-overdue conversations.
That might mean gathering some facts (In divorce, there’s math and there’s drama…Get the facts, so there’s much less drama).