I promise, it’s not about you (it’s about him…)

“I know you think other people’s actions are about you; they’re not. Everyone’s actions are about them and how they feel. Only your actions are about you and that’s the only thing you can control.” Sharon Pope

For many years, Megan wanted to have an intimate relationship with her husband. Connection, affection, and sex were important to her.

She would initiate sex with her husband, only to be rejected time and again. She would reach for his hand in public, but he would pull it away.

I tried to tell her that his actions had nothing to do with her, but she didn’t believe that. She had spent much of the last decade feeling horrible about herself because she thought that if only she were more attractive, maybe her husband would want to touch her.

Now, you might be thinking that maybe she isn’t an attractive woman. After all, she’s not the only one that has that programming embedded in their mind. Many of us assume that if a man doesn’t want to have sex with you, it must be because he doesn’t find you attractive.

But that is not the case here.

I don’t care who you are, and whether you like blondes, brunettes, or redheads…

You would be hard-pressed to not look at this woman and overlook her beauty.

Over time (and it took some time), I helped her to see that her husband’s actions had nothing to do with her.

  • He doesn’t like to hold hands in public because he doesn’t feel comfortable displaying affection in public
  • He meets her advances with little excitement because he has a great deal of insecurities that he hasn’t faced
  • Those insecurities are the same reason he puts her down and corrects what she says

Once she was able to see this, she could hold herself with much more compassion. She was no longer beating herself up or putting herself down.

Now, when she thinks about the many ways her husband has rejected her over the years, she simply places her hands over her heart, bows her head and quietly says to herself,

“It’s not about you.”

And over time, the hurt has softened within her. In some ways, it’s been replaced with anger…

And that’s okay.

That anger within her may soften as well with his newfound desire to be more affectionate and loving towards his wife.

Or it won’t…

And that’s okay too.

They may find their way back to one another, healing the hurts between them. But even if the marriage ends, she will walk away knowing that his actions were 100% about him and not about her.

If you’ve felt rejected and hurt in your own marriage, schedule your complimentary Truth & Clarity appointment with my team to see if there’s a fit for us to work together.

I promise, it’s not about you (it’s about him…)