“Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” Arthur Burt
My client and her husband are both entrepreneurs.
But my client was always frustrated because her husband would make large financial decisions without consulting her. And he was getting ready to do it again by buying into a business without talking to her about it first.
She let him know that it hurt and frustrated her when he did that. So he invited her along on the exploratory call so they could learn about the opportunity together.
But she didn’t really want to go. She made other plans and backed out of attending.
As she was telling me all about this, I wrote down, “She’s protecting her story.”
Because the truth was that if she went with her husband to this business exploratory session, she wouldn’t be able to keep the story about how her husband always makes big financial decisions without consulting her.
Here’s the truth….she could go or not go.
Either answer is fine. But she shouldn’t decline the offer to attend AND keep her story.
If she goes to the event, she should show up as the badass entrepreneur that she is, be engaged, and have an opinion.
If she doesn’t go to the event, then she can shift her story to something more like, “My husband used to make big business and financial decisions without me, but that is changing.”
Sometimes we unconsciously feel the need to protect our stories – the reasons we have about why the relationship is broken.
Because if we didn’t have those stories, we wouldn’t have reasons to be unhappy in the relationship. We wouldn’t have the justification for leaving if we choose to do so.
It’s helpful to look at what are the stories you’re carrying – and potentially protecting – about why you’re unhappy in the marriage? (Pay special attention to the stories that begin with “you always…” or “you never…”)
If you’re ready to see if a new story can be created inside your marriage, let’s see if there’s a fit for you and I to work together.