“Sorrow comes in great waves…but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain.” Henry James
I’ve been doing this a long time. And as you know, I’ve been where you’ve are and know what you’re feeling if you’re in a marriage that leaves you feeling trapped and alone, or dishonors who you are.
I understand how scary it can be to look closely at your marriage because….
What if it’s not as picture-perfect as it looks from the outside?
What if the disconnect you feel now grows wider?
What if he’s simply not able to give you the love that you desire and long for?
What if this is more serious than the typical ebb and flow that marriages go through?
What if this is all there is?
After speaking with literally thousands of women questioning their relationship, there are some tell-tale signs to know when it’s a marriage in trouble versus a storm that can be weathered.
Look though these questions and answer them as quickly and honestly as you can. Try not to overthink it, and let your gut and intuition answer for you.
Have you ever said to yourself:
I knew this wasn’t right early on…
I don’t care anymore…
I’m not attracted to my husband anymore…
I can’t remember the last time we had sex or said, I love you.
We live for our kids and they’re basically the only reason we’re still married.
Has your husband ever said to you:
I’m not going to counseling / coaching; there’s nothing wrong with me. But if you want to, you can.
Why can’t you be more like her?
I’ve had it with you…
I’m tired of having the same conversation with you over and over…
Or, have you shared your heart with him and he just shut down and said nothing?
If you’ve said or heard those things, you likely have a marriage in trouble. Here’s why that’s important to know: There’s real power when you know your marriage is in trouble because then you have the opportunity to do something about it before the distance between you becomes too far to cross.
You know when you’re driving on the freeway and you start to veer off to the side a bit and you hit those little bumps to alert you that you’re driving outside the lines? I call that the rumble strip.
Noticing when your marriage is in trouble and taking action before it’s too far gone is the difference between being on the rumble strip and being off in a ditch. If you pay attention when you’re on the rumble strip, you may never end up in the ditch.