“People can’t change the truth, but the truth can change people.” Drake
My client, who I’ll refer to as Naomi shared something important with me recently: She said she realized how she was using her children as a means of avoiding closeness with her husband.
When they would all be walking together, the kids were in the middle between them.
When they would hand out together in the kitchen around the island, she noticed how she always seemed to be on the opposite side of the island closest to her children.
Even in bed, the kids often fell asleep between them.
Not many people are brave enough to tell the truth about that, so I thought it was a powerful awareness for her.
Naomi is trying to figure out if she wants to re-connect with her husband and give the relationship yet another try (there have been many attempts). She wants to see if a new kind of relationship can exist between them that feels good for both of them. He genuinely wants to make the relationship work, but she’s not so sure. In order to do that and give it the relationship an opportunity to see what’s possible, she’s got to be honest with herself about the ways she’s silently sabotaging those efforts and choose to do it differently.
We cannot change anything we’re unwilling to see, so at least now, when Naomi is putting her children physically between her and her husband, she has the opportunity in that moment to be a little braver and become a little more open to creating physical closeness with her husband.
In what ways have you been silently sabotaging your struggling relationship?
What are you willing to tell the truth about so that you can become aware of it and make new, more conscious choices for yourself and your relationship?
I want to hear from you…leave me a comment about what insights this sparked for you.