“Never apologize for asking for what you need, if you don’t ask – the answer will always be no.” Ken Petti
Everyone has needs.
And pretending otherwise is a lie.
Women often have a difficult relationship with their own needs because our culture teaches us that taking care of everyone else’s needs – particularly once you have children – is what it means to be a good woman, wife, and mother.
Because nurturing comes so naturally for women, we don’t often honor our own needs – much less ask others to meet them.
That works out great for all the people around us because…
- We orient our lives around what our kids need…
- We don’t readily ask for more money at work…
- Our families and friends can count on us to be the one with very few needs of our own, but willing to over-give at a moment’s notice.
The problem is that all that giving can leave us feeling empty…
…and sometimes resentful.
We take such good care of everyone else, so when is someone going to take care of us?
Women are often wondering, “When is it my turn?”
Adult married women often look to their partners to get their needs met. But here’s why that seldom works:
- He doesn’t realize that you carry a belief that it’s his responsibility to meet your needs…and he likely never agreed to that.
- Asking other people to do for us what we will not do for ourselves is tricky.
- We’re not adept at asking for help, and our partners cannot read our minds.
So as women, we need to understand…
…What it is we need in our lives, and in our most intimate relationship
…Which of those needs can we meet ourselves, and which of those needs can be met through other outlets or relationships
…For those needs that we want to be met through our spouse, we have to communicate those needs (in a way he can hear and receive them)
The way that women care and nurture others is a beautiful trait that’s not going away anytime soon. But we need to begin pointing some of that same nurturing energy towards ourselves, and asking for the love we need inside our most intimate relationships.
Do you struggle with asking for what you need in your marriage?
Are you frustrated that no one seems interested in meeting your needs?
It’s only because no one has ever taught you (1) that you’re allowed to have needs and (2) how to do it well.
I’d love to help you with that.
Don’t spend another year NOT getting your needs met and creating more and more disconnection between you and your spouse.