“You can only see what you believe, nothing else is possible.” Byron Katie
This week I had the experience of being able to speak with the husband of one of my long-term clients. He was open, honest, introspective and sincere. His wife is a good woman. He is a good man. And they’re at the crossroads of trying to figure out if they can be what each other needs or if it’s time to call it quits.
As they say, there are two sides to every story. That’s because all of us – everyone – can only see and experience the world through our own lens. Here’s what I mean:
Assume everyone is wearing a pair of eye glasses and embedded in those glasses is every past experience, every failure and every lesson, every belief, every judgement, every fear and insecurity, spoken and unspoken. Everything we see and experience gets interpreted (and distorted) through that lens.
And because each one of us only have this one lens, we assume that the way we’re seeing and interpreting a difficult situation is “correct.” We don’t understand how our spouses could be seeing it differently. Except that our spouse has his or her own lens that is completely different than our own. Our spouse’s lens isn’t “wrong,” it’s just different.
We’re all essentially walking around viewing and experiencing the world through our own lens and assuming that our way of thinking is “correct,”…(which by the way, often times makes everyone else wrong…)
She thinks she’s right. And, guess what? She is.
He thinks he’s right. Because he is.
There are two sides to every story and they’re both “right,” because their judgement of what is “right” is based on each of their own lens’. Neither is wrong.
But they are different. And therein lies the rub.
Let’s Make This Personal
Now think about something you and your spouse are disagreeing about…
How would your situation change if they were both right? …If what you both wanted in the relationship was completely valid? Because it is. We each – as adults – get to want what we want.
How would the relationship change if you both gave each other what the other was asking for, rather than pushing against it and trying to convince the other person they shouldn’t want that thing they want?
I lost my ability to judge something as right or wrong a long time ago, because anything I would judge would only be an interpretation through my lens, not yours.
In the end, it comes down to:
- Not judging our partners as either right or wrong; it’s just a preference and it may differ from our own.
- Am I willing to let go of the need to be right if it means it will save the relationship?
As they say, there are two sides to every story – always has been, always will be. Because no two people on the planet view the world through the same lens. And they’re both right.
I hope this made sense to you….
As always, sent with much love and light –
PS – I enjoyed my session with this man so much that I’m going to test a program just for our men…to help make our relationships better…..stay tuned. I’m feeling inspired!