“I will not stay, not ever again – in a room or conversation or relationship or institution that requires me to abandon myself.” Glennon Doyle
***You know how some videos come with a warning about graphic and triggering content…? I feel like this post needs that warning…***
The last few weeks have been difficult.
I’ve always been the coach that will help you determine if you should stay and fix your marriage or if the answer is to lovingly release it. Most of the time, their husbands are good men and they feel a great deal of guilt for not being able to love their husbands as they think they should.
But over the last few weeks, the women finding me are no longer in the stay or go decision. They’ve been stuck in indecision for years and now they’re done. And many of the men in the marriages are not good men.
One client tells me about how her husband has called their teenage daughters “sluts.”
Another client tells me about how her husband spit in her face and called her a “c***.”
Another client tells me about when her husband hit their teenage son so hard it gave the child a concussion.
Another client’s husband is mentally unstable, abusing substances and frequently screams and yells as a means to control her and their children.
Another client tells me about how when she shared that she was pregnant with their child, he did not speak to her for two weeks and when she later lost the baby, he remained absent physically and emotionally. She sat at the hospital alone while he was at work. They never spoke of it again and she mourned that loss in silence.
These are not good marriages and these are not good men.
The controlling and manipulation…
The bad behavior…
The withholding of love and punishments for not doing what he wants…
…is not okay.
This. Isn’t. Love.
This isn’t what good men do.
When we only see his potential of the good man he could be or used to be, rather than the reality of a man who is hurting (and therefore hurting those around him), it keeps us stuck.
DIVORCE IS NEVER A JOYOUS OCCASION.
When a marriage ends…it’s never a joyous occasion.
But when women finally tell themselves the truth…
And no longer overlook or make excuses for hateful behavior in what is supposed to be their most intimate relationship…
…they begin the journey back home to themselves.
They find freedom.
They eventually find joy again…
…and even peace.
The last few weeks have been difficult. Loving people through incredible pain and fear can be taxing at times. But seeing them emerge on the other side of that pain as women who know their worth and are still able to love again is what I signed-up for.
Is it time for you to tell yourself the truth about destructive behavior inside your marriage? Let’s talk and see if there’s a fit for us to work together – even if that means taking the scary action of walking away. If you’re ready, I will walk beside you.
With so much love –
PS: If you’re a man here in my community, I know this might be triggering for you. But if you’re in my community and seeking answers, this post likely has nothing to do with you. You’re not who I’m describing. And yes, I know there are also women out there that you might not consider to be good women. I just don’t attract those women, just like I don’t attract abusive men in my community.