“Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay planted in the same soil forever.” Alex Elle
Yesterday I was asked the question from someone struggling in their marriage, “Have I outgrown my relationship?” Interesting that I was a guest on a podcast where we discussed that exact topic (link to that soulful conversation below) recently. I’ve never told this angle on my life or my first marriage before…but I think it’s important to share right now. For me. And for you.
About ten years ago, I got involved in a network marketing organization. If you’ve never been in a network marketing organization, it’s like attempting to get a Ph.D. in personal growth…except you don’t know that going into it. In order to have any degree of success with network marketing:
- You have to really let go of what others will think of you…
- You have to believe in yourself more than anything else on the planet…
- You will come face-to-face with virtually all your fears and your resiliency to keep going in the face of doubt and adversity will be tested time and time again.
I loved the personal growth aspect of it, more than I loved the business, so I soaked up all the self-help, motivation and mindset material I could get my hands on.
I grew a lot as a person during that time. I stepped into a much bigger version of myself – one that could lead the organization for the entire city and stand on stage teaching hundreds or thousands of people. I was gaining clarity about the kind of life – and the kind of relationship – I wanted to create for myself. And the more I grew in that direction, the less connected I felt to my husband. We began to feel like two separate pieces in a puzzle that didn’t fit together.
I had outgrown him.
I hate saying that because it makes it sound like there was some kind of hierarchy and that I was somehow better than him; but that’s not what I mean. I mean that I was becoming a different woman than he married who now had different dreams and desires than I had ten years earlier. And the more I evolved, the worse our marriage became.
But there’s a funny thing about any kind of personal growth or transformation we go through…
- Once you know something, you can’t un-know it.
- Once you evolve, you can’t pretend to be the same person you used to be.
- Once you become crystal clear about what you want, attempting to deny those desires is futile.
Have you been trying to convince yourself that you shouldn’t want a loving, connected relationship?
Have you been telling yourself to suck it up and figure out how to be fine with the marriage as it is?
How’s that working?
If it’s not, then let’s explore if I can help you create the kind of relationship you most deeply desire.
Here’s the Podcast: Check out my good friend and Money Mindset Expert, Cassie Parks, thriving Mompreneur and soon to be divorced mom, Michele Reynolds and myself as we go deep into this topic of answering the question, “Have I Outgrown My Relationship?”and share some tools, inspiration and reassurance for navigating divorce and money.