“There is no such thing as a clean slate.” Simon Asher Beth has had so much hurt and betrayal over the last 25 years in her marriage. Her husband has shown her rage and anger, blaming her for his...
“Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.” Children’s Letters to God Over the weekend, I was re-watching one of the old Super Soul Sunday episodes where...
“Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.” Wayne Dyer Maybe this sounds familiar to you: “Last night my husband and I were discussing whether or not he would go out of his way to pick up some...
“Lies don’t end relationships, the truth does.” Shannon L. Alder Psychology Today tells us that “gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brain washing that causes the victim to doubt...
“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.” Yvonne Pierre Loving unconditionally is the hardest work we will ever do in our...
“If there were an anti-depressant that worked like gratitude, we would all be on it.” Martha Beck I received an email from a client who is trying very hard to make her marriage feel good again. She...
When I say the terms alpha and beta here, I do not mean that alpha is better than or superior in any way to a beta. It’s not a hierarchy. It’s a disposition, a way of approaching life. One wants to...
“Sometimes when we cheat, we’re running away from our partners. Sometimes we’re running away from ourselves and the person we’ve become.” Esther Perel Some affairs lead to lasting love; most...
“Have no judgements, no expectations and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.” Caroline Myss I asked a group of women that I coach regarding their struggling and disconnected marriages...
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” Robert Holden It was early Saturday morning. He had brought her coffee since she was still in bed. He...
“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” Anne Frank Here’s a great question I got from a client in my membership program: If it's not our job to make each other happy, what is our...
"The truth only hurts when you want to believe a lie." Jennifer McVey Most of us would agree that lying to our spouses is wrong. We understand that principle intellectually, but that doesn’t stop us...
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…” José N. Harris When a woman has had an affair – and falls in love – she thinks...
“We have contingency plans for war, but none for peace.” Theodore C. Sorensen I’d like to offer a relationship story that is purely hypothetical…wink;) wink;) A client that I’ll refer to as...
“Women leave mentally before they leave physically...Once you lose her mind, the body soon follows.” Stephan Speaks Relationships Sometimes the women I work with want to do everything they can to...
He’s Not Meeting My Needs… “You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.” Tracy Kaufmann We’ve all been in relationships...
“Never be ashamed of how deeply and passionately you loved someone who destroyed you, because destroying things is just who they are…and loving things deeply and passionately is who you are.” ...
“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” Brandon Sanderson Marriage began as a means to increase wealth and power for a family. Men...
“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal himself or herself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” David Whyte When our...
“Your children are watching you very, very closely. Showing your children that you can respect each other and resolve conflict respectfully will give them a good foundation for the conflict that...
Both perspectives matter: “What it did to me and what it meant for you.” Esther Perel I’m going to say something that’s likely going to confuse you (and maybe even piss you off a bit)… Here it goes:...
“The daggers of silence last longer than anything ever spoken.” Shannon L. Alder The nature of my coaching practice means I have to exist in the grey areas of life in order to understand human...
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi If a marriage is a beautiful piece of glass, affairs are the immediate shattering of that glass right in front of us. Surrounded by shards...
“Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment.” Angela Bassett My client, Tracey, is a successful real estate agent – which is to say she spends her days running around like her...
“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what’s missing in the other person.” Wayne Dyer I love how the Universe works… My message today has been about how we...
“What if I didn’t blame the other person for anything, and held myself 100 percent accountable? What if I checked my own s--- at the door and put my children first? What if I reminded myself of the...
“Difficult conversations will be uncomfortable for a few hours, but that’s better than a lifetime of second-guessing, regret or disconnection.” -Me Every once in a while, someone will reach...
“The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.” Vince Lombardi When we’re struggling in our marriages, the obvious solution is to go to...
“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed...
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unknown Author Most of the time when I speak to men and women about trust in their marriages, we’re talking about...
Will my husband ever change? “Resistance to change manifests itself in many ways, from foot-dragging and inertia to petty sabotage to outright rebellions.” Rosabeth Moss Kanter Sometimes we expect...
“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he...
“Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not.” Stephan Labossiere Imagine for a moment, you’re in the next room while your daughter and her husband are having an argument. You're listening-in...
“Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high is dignity.” Ritu Ghatourey By the time people find their way to my work, they’ve...
“If someone is arguing with you, you are saying something arguable.” Julia B. Colwell, PhD One of the things I help my private clients do is identify the patterns of engagement with their...
“The urge to blame is based…on the fear of being blamed.” Douglas Stone In our marriages, it seems the conversation we avoid the most are the very ones we most need to be having with our partners....
“People can’t change the truth, but the truth can change people.” Drake My client, who I’ll refer to as Naomi shared something important with me recently: She said she realized how she was...
When my client, who I’ll refer to as Vicky began working with me, she was trying to determine if there was any hope for her marriage that had been on the ropes for years. They were separated and...
“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” Carl Gustav Jung My new client, who I’ll refer to as Paula, recently found out that her husband has been having an affair with another woman for at least ten...
“Rarely does anything get properly cooked on the back burner.” Susan Gale Back when most of us got married, it felt like some sort of an accomplishment. We checked that box with a buoyant optimism...
“Continents drift and so do hearts.” John Mark Green In my marriage and relationship coaching practice, people reach out to me when their marriages have been struggling for years or even decades....
“Being both soft and strong is an accomplishment that very few have mastered.” Yasmin Mogahed In my first marriage, I was a woman who was strong and capable and driven. I was a marketing...
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.” Genereux Philip Many of my clients have controlling husbands. Their husbands are afraid that their wives are not being...
“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” Stephen Kendrick Loving unconditionally is easy to say, living it is so much more difficult. When my husband is telling me...
Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a...
“Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.” Mao Zedong If you were to look at the national averages for divorce rates in the US for people in the healthcare profession, it would...
“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had...
“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” W....
“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett Fixing our relationship just seems so hard… Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an...
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married...
“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the...
“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or...
“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get...
"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come...
“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that...
“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling...
“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau When people are struggling in their marriages, they often feel confused about what to do and scared of making the...
“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother “I can sit next to...
“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you...
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his...
“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can...
“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words,...
“Truth is about perception and what we believe shapes what we perceive.” Alan B Jones Imagine for a second you’re sitting in your living room and just on the other side of a sliding glass...
“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick “I never intended for this to happen.” “I never saw this coming.” “I...
“Men want to communicate with the women they love, but how they need to go about it is likely to be very different.” Shaunti Feldhahn My client Cynthia, processes things very quickly; she has...
“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online...
“Courage and confidence are what decision making is all about.” Mike Krzyzewski A client, who I’ll call Paula, had gotten stuck. Six weeks ago, she told her husband that she felt it was time...
“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with...
"Our marriages are never static; they are always changing - either growing or withering..." Dave & Claudie Arp Our marriages and most intimate relationships are incredibly complex and...
“Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.” Samuel Johnson What do you most love to talk about? Inspirational ideas? Dreams and goals? Making plans?...
"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity." Epicurus The average American spends 2160 days in...
“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi Here’s how relationships typically work: When our partners are behaving in a way that we find...
“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her...
“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the...
“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all...
Listen to this provocative quote regarding marriage from anthropologist Lionel Tiger: “It is astonishing, that under the circumstance, marriage is still legally allowed. If nearly half of anything...
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl Conventional wisdom tells us that if a relationship between two people is broken, then they both need to be actively working...
“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey A confused mind does nothing. Someone said this to me in passing recently. They said it as if it had been said a million times before. And it...
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more...
“Intimacy transcends the physical. It is a feeling of closeness that isn’t about proximity, but of belonging.” Steve Maraboli Men and women clearly have different strengths. Women are naturally...
“A major life decision is never a choice but rather a realization that the decision has already been made.” Doug Cooper My husband and I were newly separated. I had moved into a furnished...
"The most important thing in life is knowing the most important things in life." David F. Jakielo Every day I speak with women and couples that are really struggling in their marriages. They tell me...
“Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it.” Diane Sollee In our Western culture, monogamy is so widely assumed that it’s rarely even discussed before marriage. But that broad assumption that...
I was reading one of John Gottman’s books the other night and learned that one of his “go-to strategies” for determining whether or not a couple’s marriage will last depends upon how they recall...
“Worry about yourself!” My new favorite 3-year old. I have tried talking to him, ignored the situation, threatened to leave, but nothing changes. I’ve tried to get him to go to counseling,...
“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” Elizabeth Gilbert April 19th. Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary had I stayed married. I...
“If you withhold love as a form of punishment, who is being punished?” Donald L. Hicks Here’s how most relationships work: When my spouse is doing the things that I want them to do, I show...
The Mature Marriage: Five Signs of a Marriage in Trouble "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm...
"The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation." Cheryl Hughes My...
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and...
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Mother Theresa I think nothing happens simply by coincidence so when I randomly open a spiritual book and a few...
“Every day brings new choices.” Martha Beck I was having lunch this week with a dear friend of mine who has been divorced from her husband for a little over a year. She asked me for my...
“Not responding is a response.” Jonathan Carroll I was on a call yesterday with a lovely woman who shared with me the frustrations she’s feeling in her marriage: He doesn’t get it. I should...
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks Michael was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and devilishly handsome. He had a smile that lit...
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson It was about 18 years ago when I was committed to having...
“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...
“Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.” Dale Carnegie When people are struggling in their marriages, they often go online seeking answers...
“Being a successful couple was learning what you were willing to compromise on, and what you weren't; learning when to stand your ground, and when to give it up; what was truly important enough to...
“I do believe that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50. Hell, maybe 60 can be the new 40, I don’t know. I believe that when we give ourselves permission, we can live with an excitement and heat...
“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” Ursula K. LeGuin Asking the question, "Can I afford to leave my husband?" isn't the most productive question to ask. I remember the day I walked away...