Marriage Advice

Enough is Enough. (Rant Warning)

“There comes a point in every man’s life when he has to say: “Enough is enough.” Lance Armstrong I’m sitting on my hotel balcony on the second floor. It was a warm Arizona evening and there was a...

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Say “Thank You”

“Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.” Children’s Letters to God   Over the weekend, I was re-watching one of the old Super Soul Sunday episodes where...

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Obligation and Marriage

“Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.” Wayne Dyer Maybe this sounds familiar to you: “Last night my husband and I were discussing whether or not he would go out of his way to pick up some...

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Sounding the Alarm Bells on Gaslighting

“Lies don’t end relationships, the truth does.” Shannon L. Alder Psychology Today tells us that “gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brain washing that causes the victim to doubt...

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Give Up the Need to Know…For Now.

“Have no judgements, no expectations and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.” Caroline Myss I asked a group of women that I coach regarding their struggling and disconnected marriages...

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Choosing Between Two Men

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…” José N. Harris   When a woman has had an affair – and falls in love – she thinks...

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He’s Not Meeting My Needs

He’s Not Meeting My Needs… “You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.” Tracy Kaufmann   We’ve all been in relationships...

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The Intensity of Pain

“Never be ashamed of how deeply and passionately you loved someone who destroyed you, because destroying things is just who they are…and loving things deeply and passionately is who you are.” ...

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Is Your Marriage Surviving on Leftovers?

“Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment.” Angela Bassett   My client, Tracey, is a successful real estate agent – which is to say she spends her days running around like her...

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But My Situation Is Different…

“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what’s missing in the other person.” Wayne Dyer   I love how the Universe works… My message today has been about how we...

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Ten Tips to Divorce Differently

“What if I didn’t blame the other person for anything, and held myself 100 percent accountable? What if I checked my own s--- at the door and put my children first? What if I reminded myself of the...

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Can One Person Make a Difference?

“The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.” Vince Lombardi   When we’re struggling in our marriages, the obvious solution is to go to...

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Surviving Infidelity

“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown   When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed...

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Can I Trust Him?

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unknown Author   Most of the time when I speak to men and women about trust in their marriages, we’re talking about...

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Will My Husband Ever Change?

Will My Husband Ever Change?

Will my husband ever change? “Resistance to change manifests itself in many ways, from foot-dragging and inertia to petty sabotage to outright rebellions.” Rosabeth Moss Kanter Sometimes we expect...

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Understanding Emotional Infidelity

“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he...

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Verbally Abusive Relationship

“Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not.” Stephan Labossiere Imagine for a moment, you’re in the next room while your daughter and her husband are having an argument. You're listening-in...

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Our Arguments Never Get Resolved

“If someone is arguing with you, you are saying something arguable.” Julia B. Colwell, PhD   One of the things I help my private clients do is identify the patterns of engagement with their...

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She was Putting Her Kids in the Middle

“People can’t change the truth, but the truth can change people.” Drake   My client, who I’ll refer to as Naomi shared something important with me recently: She said she realized how she was...

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All Love Matters…Even When It Ends

All Love Matters…Even When It Ends

When my client, who I’ll refer to as Vicky began working with me, she was trying to determine if there was any hope for her marriage that had been on the ropes for years. They were separated and...

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The Shame of Staying

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” Carl Gustav Jung   My new client, who I’ll refer to as Paula, recently found out that her husband has been having an affair with another woman for at least ten...

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Was Your Marriage Put on a Shelf?

“Rarely does anything get properly cooked on the back burner.” Susan Gale Back when most of us got married, it felt like some sort of an accomplishment. We checked that box with a buoyant optimism...

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Resentments of an Alpha Female

Resentments of an Alpha Female

“Being both soft and strong is an accomplishment that very few have mastered.” Yasmin Mogahed   In my first marriage, I was a woman who was strong and capable and driven. I was a marketing...

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1825 Days Without Affection

“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson   My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had...

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Why Bother Trying?

“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett   Fixing our relationship just seems so hard… Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an...

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Your Relationship Prep for the New Year

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown   I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married...

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Someone Has to Take the Lead

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the...

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What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous   Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get...

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What if No One has to be Wrong?

“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that...

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Why I Don’t Give Advice

“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli   People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling...

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Begging for Affection

“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother   “I can sit next to...

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The Tornado of the Type A Woman

“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren   In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you...

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The Guardian of His Solitude

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his...

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I Don’t Miss Him Because…

“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can...

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Protecting Your Heart

“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author   Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words,...

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How Did We Go from Hope to Hate?

“Truth is about perception and what we believe shapes what we perceive.” Alan B Jones   Imagine for a second you’re sitting in your living room and just on the other side of a sliding glass...

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I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair

“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick   “I never intended for this to happen.” “I never saw this coming.” “I...

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Why Your Husband Shuts Down

“Men want to communicate with the women they love, but how they need to go about it is likely to be very different.” Shaunti Feldhahn   My client Cynthia, processes things very quickly; she has...

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When We Betray Ourselves

“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss   My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online...

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The Power in Making a Decision

“Courage and confidence are what decision making is all about.” Mike Krzyzewski   A client, who I’ll call Paula, had gotten stuck. Six weeks ago, she told her husband that she felt it was time...

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The Four Stages of Marriage

"Our marriages are never static; they are always changing - either growing or withering..." Dave & Claudie Arp   Our marriages and most intimate relationships are incredibly complex and...

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Some Practical Relationship Advice

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."  Epicurus The average American spends 2160 days in...

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Let’s Talk Love & Bondage…

“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi   Here’s how relationships typically work: When our partners are behaving in a way that we find...

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Two Years in Therapy and $6500 Later…

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson   Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her...

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Divorce and Our Emotions

“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the...

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Comfortably Unhappy

Comfortably Unhappy

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all...

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It’s Not Magic …But It Is Magical

“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl   Conventional wisdom tells us that if a relationship between two people is broken, then they both need to be actively working...

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A Confused Mind Does Nothing

“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey   A confused mind does nothing. Someone said this to me in passing recently. They said it as if it had been said a million times before. And it...

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If I Lean Back, Will He Lean In?

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran   My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more...

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Will My Marriage Last?

I was reading one of John Gottman’s books the other night and learned that one of his “go-to strategies” for determining whether or not a couple’s marriage will last depends upon how they recall...

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I’m Not the Problem

“Worry about yourself!” My new favorite 3-year old.   I have tried talking to him, ignored the situation, threatened to leave, but nothing changes. I’ve tried to get him to go to counseling,...

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There is No Such Thing as Destiny

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” Elizabeth Gilbert   April 19th. Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary had I stayed married. I...

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When We Withhold Love

“If you withhold love as a form of punishment, who is being punished?” Donald L. Hicks   Here’s how most relationships work: When my spouse is doing the things that I want them to do, I show...

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Indecision Sucks

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho   The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and...

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We Belong to Each Other

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Mother Theresa I think nothing happens simply by coincidence so when I randomly open a spiritual book and a few...

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He Doesn’t Get It

“Not responding is a response.” Jonathan Carroll   I was on a call yesterday with a lovely woman who shared with me the frustrations she’s feeling in her marriage: He doesn’t get it. I should...

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The One Who Broke My Heart

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks   Michael was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and devilishly handsome. He had a smile that lit...

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50 Ways We Leave Our Lovers

“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...

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