“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey
A confused mind does nothing.
Someone said this to me in passing recently.
They said it as if it had been said a million times before.
And it was being used in a different context than in the area of disconnected marriages and struggling relationships.
But it completely resonated with me as it relates to the decision to stay in your marriage or to lovingly release it.
When we’re confused, we do nothing.
When we know we want to try to reconnect with our spouse but have no idea how to do that, we do nothing…and the disconnection remains (or even widens).
When we want to overcome the hurts of the past but it doesn’t seem fair to let him off the hook like that, we do nothing…and we carry the resentments with us.
When we want to be able to move forward, but our fears keep us completely and utterly terrified, we do nothing…and we’re paralyzed.
When we think about the possible regrets of making the wrong decision, we do nothing…and nothing ever changes.
When we want to have real clarity about whether or not to stay or go, but haven’t been able to get that clarity for ourselves, we do nothing…and we stay stuck in pain.
It all Begins and Ends in the Mind
Confusion begins in the mind.
And the more we think, the more confused we actually become.
Then to exacerbate the problem, we go looking for more inputs to help the mind – we google videos, articles and insights, we ask our friends, and we look to other people’s experiences in order to shed some light on our own. But adding more inputs only adds to the confusion of the mind.
This is where most people truly remain stuck.
In order to lessen the confusion and come to a decision that gives you peace, you’ve got to be able to manage your mind and couple that with an instinctual knowing.
Some might tell you to follow your heart, but what does that even mean? And how do you do that?
I’m not suggesting that you completely disregard the mind, but right now the confusion that lives there is what’s keeping you stuck, so we’ve got to eliminate the parts that are keeping you stuck and add a few new tools.
Think of it like tending to a garden:
You’ve got to remove the weeds so that new growth can occur (removing fearful thoughts).
You’ve got to plant seeds (learning new tools).
You’ve got to water the garden and give it some sunlight (taking action and putting the new tools into practice so that you can learn what works and what doesn’t).
And as you see new growth occurring, a sense of how it’s done is created within you (a renewed confidence and answers that feel right).
That is the path to eliminating confusion.
It’s actually the only path that ever produces the desired result of clarity.