“Have no judgements, no expectations and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.” Caroline Myss
I asked a group of women that I coach regarding their struggling and disconnected marriages what concerns they had heading into the holidays. To my surprise, there wasn’t much concern but that’s because they were fully prepared to place their marriage troubles on hold for now:
- “I’m on hold because I want to enjoy the holidays.”
- “…there will be less focus on the relationship…a bit of a breather while we try to focus on family.”
- “I will release control and let things be.”
I think this is wise.
We’re an action-oriented society, so if something in our lives isn’t working, we often place a great deal of emphasis there in order to fix it.
But sometimes it’s wise to step back from the troubles in our lives…
Give them room to breathe…
Dive deeper within ourselves so that we can hear the quiet whispers of our own hearts…
See what wants to happen.
The primitive minds within us don’t like not having the answers.
When we don’t have answers, we don’t feel safe.
That’s what’s driving our urgent need to know what will happen to our marriages NOW.
But the truth is…
We don’t know what this next decade is going to look like for ourselves or our marriages.
Hell, we don’t really know what tomorrow holds for each of us.
Maybe the best thing to do right now – just for a moment – is give up the need to know.
And get more comfortable with the not knowing…
The not controlling…
The not needing answers right this minute.
My hope for you over the holidays is that:
- You remain present for yourself…
- You check-in with what you need often and honor that need…
- That you give yourself permission to rest in the not knowing…
- That you trust that you are being held and at least for right now, all is well.
Your marriage troubles will be there when you’re ready to face them again after the holidays…or they will have morphed into something different.
We don’t really know…
