“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.” – Nhat Hanh
Women often find their way to my work when the problems inside their marriage have become so big, so hurtful and so confusing that they’re wondering if there is no other option but to leave the marriage.
They don’t believe the troubles inside the marriage can actually be improved (because they’ve been trying to improve it for a long time…).
They’ve usually spent years trying to talk themselves into being satisfied with how it is (because they think that would solve everything…when it actually solves nothing).
And the only thing more terrifying than staying is to end the marriage completely. (What if I regret my decision? What if the grass isn’t greener and I’m alone forever? The impact be to our family, what will it be?)
Sometimes my clients are able to come to a clear, conscious decision that, for them, the marriage is over. They are able to share this awareness with their partner and begin moving through the steps towards separation and then divorce.
There’s a certain finality that comes with the decision to end the marriage.
Once the papers are signed, the marriage is over.
That’s why we need to be sure.
Sometimes my clients make the choice to stay in the marriage. To continue trying to make the marriage feel better and better. This doesn’t mean it always works, but it means they’re clear that they’re not ready to throw in the towel.
At least not yet.
That doesn’t mean they won’t make a different decision for themselves two years from now or ten years from now.
This is an important distinction in the decision to stay or go:
- If you decide to go…and see it through to the end…that’s pretty permanent.
- If you decide to stay…and keep trying…that is fluid.
It doesn’t mean that because you make the decision to stay and keep trying to make it better (with real relationship tools this time), you can never make a different decision in the future if things change (or if nothing changes).
The difference is that now you will know that you genuinely tried everything before walking away.
Now you are equipped to navigate the steps needed to truly honor yourself and what you desire.
The difference is that now… you know how to know.
If you feel like you’re ready to learn my proven process, The Decision: Should I Stay or Go? ©
Then schedule a complimentary Truth & Clarity session to see if there’s a fit for you and me to work together.