“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what’s missing in the other person.” Wayne Dyer
I love how the Universe works…
My message today has been about how we all believe that, my situation is different, and how that’s not helping us.
When I logged into my email this morning, I received an email from a random person wanting a refund on the ebook they bought – that’s not the interesting part. Her reason for wanting the refund is the interesting part! Here’s what she said:
“Read your book and really got no helpful information. These situations are not even close to what I am going through. My husband has been absent in raising our children because his job is far more important to him. Would like a refund please, not at all what I expected.”
Then, I get on my first coaching call of the day and my client who only eight weeks ago was fearing she would need to call-it-quits with her workaholic husband. He was essentially non-existent as a parent to their daughters and she was feeling more resentful and disconnected from him than ever, leaving her to take care of far more than her fair share.
This client starts the conversation today by telling me how “she can’t believe how things have changed so quickly and so dramatically in my marriage.” She told me that she was skeptical because she couldn’t understand how the relationship could possibly change if he wasn’t involved in the coaching process to fix the relationship. After all, he was the one that needed to adjust his priorities!
Now, eight weeks later, here’s what she had to say about her marriage:
- There’s no more tension and awkwardness between us.
- I can just “be,” without worrying about his reactions to what I’m saying or doing.
- I’m opening up more to him and in response, he’s opening up more as well.
- I didn’t realize how much I had been withholding and how that was impacting our relationship.
- He’s more relaxed, happier and more engaged now with the kids.
Everyone thinks their circumstance is unique somehow…and yet I hear the same stories from women all over the world all day long. They’re using the story that their situation is different and that’s why they haven’t yet overcome the issue. And that story is keeping them stuck in the pain.
Sometimes we are so mired in our stories that when the truth presents itself, we cannot hear it. That doesn’t mean the answers aren’t there. Much the opposite, it means that the answers are actually right there waiting for us to be ready to receive them. That woman – although physically searching for answers – wasn’t ready to receive them because she was still carrying the thought that my situation is different. Not everyone is ready to hear the answers just because they’re seeking them…
What story have you been telling yourself about how the troubles in your marriage are different?
How have you been using that my situation is different story to keep you stuck?
What answers have been there that you’ve been overlooking?