“Questions are only offensive to those who have something to hide.” Gary Hopkins
I see it all the time with my clients, particularly those that are struggling with trying to figure out if they should stay or go in their relationship and worry that their partner has something to hide.
They suspect he’s not being truthful, but they have no real proof of that.
They go looking for proof – snooping, cell phone records, drive-bys, even GPS trackers on their cars or phones. They go looking for proof because they don’t trust their guts that have been talking to them for months.
Is he cheating?
Is he flirting online with other women?
Has he started spending more time with that woman at work? Has he developed feelings for her?
Why is he still talking to his ex?
Is it porn?
You think that if you know the answer to why he’s become so distant from you, you’ll be able to make sense of it. So, you start asking questions….
Lots of questions….
Without any proof, he doesn’t come clean and so the questions remain swirling around in your mind.
After several rounds of questions, maybe he reacts like my client’s boyfriend: “I don’t ever want to talk about this again. Seriously, no more questions about other women. EVER.”
He’s tired of having the conversation…I get it. But that’s awfully convenient for him….isn’t it?
The connection is breaking down in your relationship and until he can help you make sense of that and demonstrate a desire to fix it, you’re going to have questions. And the answers you make up in your mind about the reasons for the disconnect may or may not be more troubling than what’s really happening.
So the only people I’ve ever seen avoid or shut-down questions so that you can put your mind at ease about your relationship are those that have something to hide.
In an open and loving relationship, there’s honesty between the partners.
In a healthy relationship, there are both boundaries and transparency between the partners.
And in lasting relationships, there is trust and communication.
If you don’t have those things…
And your gut has been talking to you…
And you’ve got more questions than answers…
Then you need clarity about what’s really going on and you need to know how to set healthy boundaries that honor yourself and what you want in the relationship.
Let’s find out if I can help you do just that so that your mind chatter can finally cease and you can feel some peace again.