“Desire is possibility seeking expression.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
A couple of weeks ago, I talked about getting clear about your desires.
This is so important.
Because, as women, we were never really given permission to own our desires. It was more about what a man was offering and could we make that work?
Did it check the boxes of what we needed at that time in our life?
And what we want and need in our 20s and 30s is a stark contrast to what we desire in our 40s and 50s.
This is one reason why some marriages don’t last.
Here’s an example:
This client, when she met her now husband, they were both coming through some really difficult times in their lives, finding their way in the world. Because their experiences were similar, there was comfort between them. They got married at 26 and had their first child at 27. One was building a business and the other a career while raising their daughter and creating a home.
But once the home was built…
And the kids were independent….
And the careers were on solid ground…
Now what she wanted was so different from what she had wanted more than a decade ago. And certainly different from what she had today inside her marriage.
I gave her some journaling prompts to help her tap into that desire and what she came up with was so beautiful. It was practically poetic!
With her permission, here’s a portion of it:
He’s healthy, faithful, stable, and financially wise. He is trustworthy. My husband is desirable to others but faithful to me. He has a good core of friends, likes to laugh and cuddle and do things together. He celebrates my work and is respectful of me being me. My husband loves my children and respects them. He loves adventure and trying new things, taking vacations, and also just being a homebody. He has a sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me. My husband doesn’t hold any anger and is easy to talk to. He loves sex and intimacy with me, making me feel comfortable and vulnerable at the same time. His heart is light. His love is fierce. My husband’s trust is solid. His faith is unshaken. His passion is intimate and his friendship is forever. This partnership is for an eternity.
Can you sense the difference between, “Can I make this work? He’s a good man. So what if we’re not connected or intimate with one another? He doesn’t hit me or anything…”
That is the difference between what you’re willing to settle for and what your heart really desires.
It’s worth getting clear about what it is you really desire.
Because if you don’t know where you’re going, how will you ever reach your destination?
Don’t know what you desire or how to create that for yourself? I would love to help you get there.