“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” John Assaraf
If you’ve been struggling in your marriage for a long time, there’s a reason why. If you’ve been following my work for awhile – reading my blogs or watching my YouTube videos (thank you, by the way…) – I know you’re seeking answers.
But if you’ve been seeking answers for months – or maybe even years – why haven’t the issues been resolved? Why are you still stuck in indecision?
The only reason these marital issues are still a problem for you is because the answer exists outside of your comfort zone. How do I know this? Because if the answer was inside your comfort zone, you would have figured it out by now.
There is a strong correlation between the problems that feel impossible to solve, and our desire to remain safely inside our comfort zone.
Think about it…
- If having difficult conversations with your spouse didn’t feel terrifying, you would be having them. You might even be having them regularly.
- If setting boundaries didn’t feel intimidating, you would be setting healthy and loving boundaries for yourself in all of your important relationships. You might even be setting them inside your marriage.
- If honoring your needs didn’t feel selfish, you wouldn’t set your needs aside in order to please your husband, your kids, or your mother.
That point of discomfort is where most people stop.
When we feel some discomfort and we begin stepping in the opposite direction.
Then, we justify it in our minds by saying things like:
- I’m not good at this….
- This won’t work….
- It might work for some people, but not for me / my situation…
Every problem that we’ve been trying to solve but haven’t been able to is because we are unwilling to move through the discomfort that would be required to solve it.
To solve our problems (any problems), it will require some level of discomfort:
☞ It may require time
☞ It may require money
☞ It may require learning a new skill
☞ It may require forming new habits
☞ It may require facing some difficult truths
No matter what it is, it will ALWAYS require something from you that will not feel comfortable.
Now, you might be thinking: “But, Sharon, I am NOT comfortable right now! My marriage has been falling apart for years and it’s consuming me…..this is not comfortable!”
I would argue that you have become comfortable with a pain you know. After all, you’ve existed in that all-consuming pain almost everyday for years, so you know what that feels like.
But to address the unresolved issue will mean you’ll have to move through the discomfort with something that is unknown to you.
And our brains don’t like not knowing.
Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes, a pain we know feels like a better option than what we don’t know.
If you’re ready to solve the struggles inside your marriage..
If you’re ready to come to a decision for your marriage…
And you’re willing to get a little uncomfortable…
Then, let’s see if there’s a fit for us to work together. I cannot promise you’ll be comfortable the entire time, but I can promise I will be there beside you every step of the way.