I know what you’re thinking…Valentine’s Day when your marriage is struggling rolls will look like some version of:
- Buying an obligatory card for your spouse, without feeling like anything written on it is actually true…
- Burying your head in the sand and hope the day passes quickly and without notice…
- Faking a stressful day or headache so you can go to bed early.
When you’re not feeling good about your marriage and the rest of the world seems to be celebrating their love for one another, it can feel pretty lonely.
But there is another option:
You could make Valentine’s Day your own personal Appreciation Day (ie: Sharon Appreciation Day).
You could use this day as an opportunity to appreciate, pamper and indulge yourself in ways you do not normally do.
Here are some ideas to help you focus on the goodness in your life (and place less emphasis on unmet expectations):
Take your best girlfriend or your daughter out for lunch or dinner. Spending time with someone you truly adore will help you to point your love at someone that feels good to love right now.
Schedule a yoga class or spa day with all the extras. When we don’t feel good in our marriages, we spend a lot of time feeling stress; so it’s time to unravel some of that tight and stressful energy.
Buy yourself your favorite flowers or a piece of jewelry that brings you joy or makes you feel super powerful. Remind yourself that you’ve got your own back and can meet your own needs.
Spend intentional time by yourself. If we cannot love ourselves when we’re by ourselves, how can we ever expect anyone else to? It doesn’t have to be big…you can enjoy a simple glass of wine or cup of coffee and an indulgent dessert on the way home from work.
Give a gift to someone else: volunteer, send a card, hold a door, give a hug, or simply find a pup to pet. Doing for others always gets ourselves out of the way, helping us to focus on what we have to give rather than what’s not being given to us.
An Opportunity to Re-Connect?
And if you are someone who has been feeling disconnected in your marriage and genuinely wants to use this Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to re-connect, here are some ideas for you as well:
Get talking. Ask your partner the 36 Questions in Love
Get your laugh on. Go to a comedy club together or watch your favorite comedy that’s guaranteed to make you laugh together.
Get cookin’. Schedule a cooking class, cook dinner together at home or even make a bonfire out back and make smores together (chocolate and marshmallows can bring a much-needed light-heartedness to almost anyone).
And in case no one tells you today…or on Valentine’s Day:
You. Are. Loved.