Are You Showing Up as the Man You Want to Be?

The most difficult situations we face in life give us the opportunity to show up as either the best version of ourselves – or the worst.

A client, who I will call Tom, was preparing to have that difficult conversation with his wife, where he tells her he has decided he wants to separate. He has been unhappy for quite some time, and there have been many arguments. She knows he has been unhappy, but she didn’t know how to fix the issues they were facing as a couple.

Moving through a separation or divorce can prove to be a daunting task, which keeps most people paralyzed.

We know we cannot change others….
And we may not be able to change the circumstance, as much as we might like to do so…
But we can take responsibility for ourselves and show up in a way that honors the man you want to be.

I read a teaching from the late Dr. Wayne Dyer recently that said, when an orange gets squeezed, the only thing that comes out is orange juice. You will never squeeze an orange and have apple juice come out. So whatever you have inside at a time when you get squeezed (under a great deal of stress and pressure), that’s what’s going to come out.

If you’ve been filled with anger and blame, that’s what’s going to come out of you in those most difficult moments.

If you’ve been filled with compassion and understanding, that’s what’s going to come out of you in those most difficult moments.

The most important questions to ask yourself are:

  • Who is it that I want to be inside this difficult situation? Provide 3 descriptive words.
  • How can I cultivate more of that within myself now, in advance of stepping into this experience? Think of 1-2 things you can do to bring about more of those characteristics within myself today.
  • When I look back on this situation years from now, what would make you proud of how you handled yourself?

If you begin with these thoughts in mind, cultivating more of the characteristics now that you will need to be the man you want to be, you will already be closer to showing up as the man you want to be.

At the end of that coaching call, Tom said he actually felt hopeful about his decision. He felt capable and equipped to have that conversation with his wife that he had been putting off. He felt like he could handle the conversation and do so with compassion, empathy and love. That was the man he wanted to be, and now he was prepared to show up as that man.

If you know you’re heading into something as daunting and stressful as releasing your marriage, be mindful about what you’re cultivating inside yourself…because at some point it’s going to come out and it will either be the best version of yourself – or the worst.

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