Relationships are Complicated. You Need Tools.
I was talking to my client “Brent” about his marriage and several times throughout our discussion he said “why are relationships so complicated, and why does it have to be so hard?”
Well, relationships are complicated. The real problem is that we went into our marriage with no tools and no training. The only training we had was what we saw growing up. We assumed that “love is all you need”, just like the song says and we assumed that love would make it work.
How are we supposed to be successful at marriage when these are the only tools we had ? You cannot be successful at anything really without some degree of training and tools.
There are many parts to a relationship and they are not easy to navigate. The main ones are:
1-Communication, of course.
3-How we argue, or how we resolve conflict.
Communication is a big one and one that so many of my clients mention when we first start working together. We know communication is about what we say, but it is also about support, trust, boundaries, handling stress, betrayal, and much more.
Connection too has more than one part. Connection is about intimacy, affection, expectations, sex, and the roles we both play within our relationship.
How we argue or resolve conflict is impacted by so many other things within our marriage. It is impacted by connection and communication for sure. But also our differences, our love languages, our interests, and the behaviors we tend to gravitate towards. Some of these are what we will call “bad behaviors” like being controlling, stonewalling, verbal abuse, emotional blackmail, and of course physical abuse.
We need training for whatever we want to do well, and yet we go into marriage with nothing. No training, no tools.
How were we supposed to be successful?
If you are thinking that maybe you need some tools for your marriage, I invite you to schedule a complimentary Exploratory Session with me. Let’s find out what you can do to be successful.