Stuck In Indecision?
I have a client, “Ben”, who recently told me he feels “stuck and can’t make a decision” on what to do next in his marriage. He told me that his wife, “Susan” came to him and said she was not happy and felt like they are roommates and just didn’t have any intimacy. He has been trying to make it better but feels like his efforts don’t make much difference and that his wife is still unhappy. He is frustrated and feels like things will never change, no matter what he does.
He wants to know, am I doing something wrong? Am I not trying hard enough?
The answer is no. Here is the thing about this:
Most people find themselves in this situation when their spouse has noticed a disconnect or distance. They go searching for information and trying to get answers and come up with a plan. The plan is usually be nice, and tell my partner how I am feeling. The problem is that this leaves the other person not knowing what to do.
Both people try to be nice, listen more, be patient, and go back to what we will call “good behavior”. BUT without new tools and new ways to engage in the relationship it does not last. Without doing any work on the internal patterns we end up right back to where we started.
Feeling hopeless, and like nothing has changed. You are stuck in indecision.
This leaves you feeling like you only have 2 choices: stay and suffer, or leave and hurt people. Neither of these choices feel good, so you stay stuck in pain. Of course you do not want to stay stuck in pain, but you know this pain and you know how to do it.
Really leaning into the marriage is scary, and leaving is scary, so you stay stuck in the middle.
There are actually 2 more options:
Stay in the marriage and make it feel good, or release the marriage as lovingly as possible and move forward without regret. These choices feel a lot better. There really is no wrong decision. If there is a decision that is less desirable, it is choosing to stay stuck.
Now, I am sure you have asked family or friends for help and they have given you some good advice. Yet, you remain stuck. The only way to really take action is when you find your answer for YOUR marriage, YOUR life.
To be able to do this, you need tools.
So if this sounds like you and you are ready to find out how you can get to your answer, I invite you to schedule a complimentary Exploratory session with me to see if we are a good fit to work together. Let me help you get to your decision.