“Just because it’s not happening right now doesn’t mean it never will.” Daniell Koepke
Have you ever wondered why some of the clients I speak about are able to make a decision about their lonely and disconnected marriage? Why they feel at peace?
- Some feel closer than ever…
- While some made the difficult decision to lovingly end the marriage…
But for some reason, you still feel stuck?
Maybe you made the assumption that they are somehow very special…
Or that their issues in their marriage couldn’t be as bad as yours…
The difference between people that are able to solve the marriage challenges they face and those that aren’t is actually much simpler than you might imagine.
It’s often a matter of timing.
This visual by Prochaska & DiClemente does an excellent job of outlining when we’re ready to take action to overcome the challenges we face in our lives.
Women often find their way to my work when they’re in one of 3 stages:
Contemplation Stage:
They know there are significant problems inside their marriage, but they’re not yet ready to take any action to solve that problem.
- They might still be hoping and praying that something will magically change.
- One might feel really justified in their anger and resentments towards their spouse and they’re waiting for him to change his bad behavior.
- They might be in denial and either overworking or over drinking to avoid dealing with the issues.
Preparation Stage:
They know there are significant problems inside their marriage and they’re no longer willing to keep living like this. They’re ready for change and they’re exploring options to help them get the clarity they need to either fix their marriage or move forward through un-winding the marriage as peacefully as possible.
The Re-Lapse Stage:
They know there are significant problems inside their marriage AND they’ve been actively trying to solve them.
- They’ve been reading books or watching videos…
- They have been talking with friends and family seeking out advice…
- They’ve been going to couples counseling, but things aren’t getting better.
And although they might feel hopeless occasionally, they don’t give up and they keep seeking answers for their lives and their marriages. And while slowly getting closer and closer to their answers, they don’t yet feel ready to take any confident action to either re-commit to the marriage or walk away from it.
I once had a business coach tell me that if someone is not ready to take action as soon as they find your work, they’ll never be ready.
That’s not true.
Some of my clients have followed my work for years before they were finally ready to solve this challenge they’ve been struggling with for years. Sometimes decades.
- So if you’ve been someone who has followed my work for a while…
- And you’ve been thinking that maybe other people can come to clarity for themselves but that you can’t…
- I want you to know that’s not true.
You can come to clarity for yourself, your heart, and your marriage when you’re ready.
