“Comfort is your biggest trap and coming out of your comfort zone your biggest challenge.” Manoj Arora
A client of mine has been communicating more inside her marriage and expressing her needs in a clear way to her husband in order to bridge the wide divide that exists between them.
Her love language is words of affirmation, so she gave some examples of things he could say to her for her to feel the love and appreciation that she knows he has for her.
His response: “I’m not going to be able to say those things; it’s too uncomfortable.”
At the same time, I’m coaching another client to communicate more directly with her husband to see if there’s an opportunity to evolve the marriage (or not). These are difficult conversations for her; it’s been so much easier to ignore the issues inside their marriage all these years than to address them.
I get it.
Want to know what else is uncomfortable?
Hearing that your partner is no longer in love with you…not comfortable.
Telling the kids that Mom and Dad will be living separately…not comfortable.
Dividing assets and living alone for the first time in maybe decades…not comfortable.
Because doing what fits in your comfort zone is to do what got you to this place of disconnection inside your marriage.
There is also no path to ending a marriage that lives inside your comfort zone.
If getting clarity about your marriage – about whether or not it can evolve into something that can feel good for both of you – was comfortable…you would have done it yourself a long time ago.
Moving forward in whatever direction feels right for you will require you to step outside your comfort zone. There’s no way around it.
And even if you choose to NOT get outside of your comfort zone, understand that a divorce will force you to move through many steps that are certainly less than….comfortable.
If you’re ready to get clarity and are willing to step outside of your comfort zone (with appropriate support), then let’s explore if I can help you.