When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.” Thomas Sowell
How many women have asked, “My husband and I have been disconnected for many years. How can we feel closer as a couple?”
And how many times are they told: Plan a date night once a month.
While a date night with your spouse probably won’t hurt your marriage, that alone will not solve the big, long-standing issues in your marriage, such as….
- The mounting resentments…
- The hurtful words and actions…
- The inability to express yourselves clearly and communicate well…
- The lies hanging in the air between you, both big and small…
- How to reignite desire for your partner when you haven’t been intimate in more than a year…
This is the problem with so many people who are attempting to help couples in their marriage. They’re wading in the shallow end while their client has been drowning in the deep end.
However, I know that if I’m really going to help women overcome the challenges inside their marriage that have been present for years…I have to be willing to swim down in the deep-end with them.
That means understanding what’s at the root of each issue.
For instance, if one of you is always controlling, we have to understand the fear that’s causing the need to control, and teach you how to overcome that fear. And for the one that is on the receiving end of that controlling behavior, we have to equip them to set healthy boundaries for themselves.
This isn’t about answering the question as it’s asked, because it’s usually not the right question. For me, it’s about helping you ask and answer the right questions so that you feel confident and equipped to see if the marriage can evolve to a new place…or not.
And you can’t do that if you’re unwilling to dive into the deep end and face the issues that are at the ROOT of your marital problems.
Don’t worry…I swim in the deep end every day (and I have floaties for both of us when needed).
Let’s see if we should work together.