“Staying in a situation where you’re unappreciated isn’t called loyalty; it’s called breaking your own heart.” Trent Shelton
This beautiful 62 year old woman sat with me and told me about a time when she and her husband went to a family wedding together years ago. She didn’t want to go, but he pleaded saying he didn’t want to go without her.
She told her husband, “I will go, but I need a few things from you. I need you to hold my hand periodically throughout the evening and we need to dance together at least once.” He agreed, they dressed and headed out to the wedding together.
She waited all evening.
Not once did he reach for her hand.
And he never asked her to dance with him.
The car ride home was quiet.
When they walked into the house together, she asked him: “Why didn’t you do what you said you would tonight?”
He was confused, “What do you mean?”
“We agreed that if I went to the wedding with you that you would periodically hold my hand and that we would dance together. None of that happened and it makes me wonder why. It makes me sad.”
To which he responded in surprise: “I completely forgot! I’m sorry.”
As adults, we don’t generally forget the things that are important to us, do we?
When our boss needs the urgent report by 3:00, we don’t simply forget. We make it a priority to remember. Because doing otherwise could lead us to lose our jobs.
When our son’s first baseball game is on Monday night, we don’t forget that. We make it a priority because being there in pivotal moments in our children’s lives is important to us.
Has your husband ever once woken up on the first Monday in February and was so mad at himself because he forgot that the Super Bowl was the day before and he completely missed it?
Dancing with his wife…
Holding her hand…
Appreciating her…acknowledging her…keeping his commitment to her wasn’t a priority for him.
So he forgot.
It’s sad, but it’s also human nature.
We remember the things that are important to us.
And unless we’ve given our partners a reason to show up in the relationship that is meaningful to them, it may be easily overlooked.
Sure, we all slip up once in a while and forget things.
But we never seem to forget the Super Bowl, do we?