“Behavior is a language.” John Delony
Jill’s husband knew she was at the end of fighting for their marriage. She had been trying for the last fourteen years, and the challenges between had only grown worse. Now they’re heading into their empty-nest years, and Jill cannot imagine living out the rest of her days in a marriage that makes her feel empty, lonely, and hopeless.
Jill’s husband, on the other hand, has finally gotten the memo, and is now willing to do anything and everything to make the marriage better so that he won’t lose his wife. He never imagined it would come to this.
He’s attempting to make massive changes in a short period of time. He’s opening up more and talking. He’s being kinder and more attentive. He’s even open to going to coaching or counseling together.
But old habits die hard. So sometimes, when he’s triggered, the anger in him rears its ugly head. When he gets frustrated, he feels entitled to her love and respect. And while he says he’ll go to counseling, he’s not doing any research or making any appointments. He waits for her to take the lead.
Our behavior is a language all its own. When someone’s words or sentiment doesn’t align with their behaviors, you have to believe their behaviors.
When someone tells you that they’ll change, you have to understand that habits don’t disappear just because you make a mental promise in the moment. To create a change in behavior, you have to form and practice new habits repeatedly over time. That’s how real change is created.
So, how do you know if your marriage can change? How do you know if it can evolve to a place that would feel good for both of you?
You try. You get equipped with tools that can help evolve the way you show up to the marriage. And quite importantly, you surround yourself with support.