“We either live with intention or exist by default.” Kristin Armstrong
She and her husband were getting ready for their trip to Italy to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. It was a trip of a lifetime that she should be excited about; but she wasn’t. They had been arguing a lot, sleeping separately, and the resentments she carried made her feel like her husband was the last person on the planet she wanted to travel with.
And yet, she couldn’t back out. That didn’t feel like a real option.
I asked her an important question: How do you want to feel about this trip when you’re on the plane ride back home?
She said she wanted to feel a little closer to her husband.
She wasn’t delusional enough to think that one trip was going to save their struggling marriage, but she held out hope that…
- Maybe they wouldn’t argue……
- Maybe they would see and experience some incredible things together…
- Maybe being away from the stress of their daily lives would soften them both a bit…
- Maybe she would see a different side of her husband…
- And maybe she would feel a little closer to her husband than she does today.
When you go into any difficult situation knowing how you want to feel on the other side, you have a much better opportunity to feel how you want to feel because you’re beginning with the end goal in mind.
Is it a guarantee that she’ll come back from Italy feeling closer to her husband after 25 years together? No.
But is it significantly more likely to have that outcome if she goes into it with that intention? Absolutely.
So whether we’re talking about a trip you’re not looking forward to…
Or the holidays that just add to your stress levels…
Or a difficult conversation…
Go into it with the end in mind. Start with getting clear about how you want to feel on the other side of the experience.
If you’ve been struggling in your marriage for years (or even a decade or more…), you know this isn’t going to magically get better on its own. If it was going to magically turn around, don’t you think that would have happened by now?
And if you knew how to solve this, wouldn’t you have done it by now? Of course you would have.
There’s no shame in not knowing…no one ever taught you how to navigate all the deep difficulties that exist within marriage. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn.
You can come through this with clarity for your marriage and peace in your heart. I’ve helped thousands of women do just that. Why not you? Why not now?