“You have every right to feel as you do, but is it helpful?” Sharon Pope
Science tells us that each of us has 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts per day. 80% of those thoughts are negative and 80% of those negative thoughts are repetitive.
And then we wonder why so many of us are unhappy…
When we’re unhappy in our lives, we never bring our best selves to our marriage.
And ultimately our marriage suffers over time.
When your marriage is struggling and you’re swirling in indecision, your fearful thoughts are probably consuming a great deal of that mental space.
But let’s be conservative and assume only 20% of the thoughts we have every day is about our struggling marriage – that’s 14,000 thoughts every day.
And because you’re struggling right now and likely feeling lonely and disconnected, probably 90%+ of those thoughts are negative and 80% of those are repetitive.
That would mean you are having 12,600 negative thoughts each and every day about your marriage and more than 10,000 of them are the same thoughts over and over again.
What are your most repeated thoughts about your marriage?
- “It’s never going to work.”
- “This is all there is.”
- “Maybe I’m asking for too much. Why can’t I just be happy?”
- “Nothing will ever change.”
- “Why bother trying?”
- “After this long together, I guess this is just how marriage is.”
- “Other people can have great marriages, but we can’t. We never have had a great marriage.”
- “Can I stay and make this work somehow? Or is the only answer to end it and how in the world can I do that?”
How you feel about your marriage – how happy or unhappy you are in your most intimate relationship is based on one thing: Your most repeated thought.
So what’s your most repeated thought?
Knowing that, is it now any surprise that you’re feeling unhappy in your marriage?
And because you know it’s on repeat, have your feelings become more positive in nature or more negative about your marriage over the last 12 months?
Our thoughts feed on each other. They don’t exist in isolation. So when we have one negative thought, it leads to another…..and then another…..so the negativity builds and worsens over time.
And whatever we look for, we will find.
So if you’re looking for all the ways it won’t work, you will find plenty of roadblocks.
If you’re looking for all the things to love and appreciate about your partner and your marriage, you will find those. But we don’t often focus there, do we?
Here’s the good news:
- You can become more in control of your thoughts.
- You can choose thoughts that empower you so that you can find the courage to face and overcome these struggles in your marriage.
This isn’t about ignoring reality.
It’s about no longer running from the challenges you’re facing because the negative monologue in your head tells you, “Why bother…it won’t work anyway.”
It’s about knowing that you can get equipped to create real and lasting change inside your relationship – if that’s what you want.
Do you want your marriage to feel good again? Do you want to see if that is possible for you? Or would you prefer to keep believing the painful, fearful, negative thoughts spinning around in your mind?
If you’d like to see if your marriage can evolve to a place that feels good for both of you, then fill out an application to meet with a member of my team so you can explore if there’s a fit for you and I to work together.