“ “It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.” Nhat Hanh
There is no permanence in adult relationships.
(Read that again.)
In every adult relationship, there are two adult human beings that both have free will. So the moment one of you stops choosing to be in the relationship, the relationship begins to crumble and could potentially end.
Does that make you uncomfortable? It’s okay if it does…
We try to put all the vows around our marriages and make promises that may or may not be kept to calm our fears, but that doesn’t change the reality that our intimate relationships are not guaranteed forever. Either one of you can change your mind at any time.
I find that when I am willing to see and embrace the truth of a situation, it’s easier to deal with, even when I don’t like the answer.
A member inside my program, The Decision, expressed that she was feeling like if she didn’t muster the courage to leave her marriage now, she likely never would. She said that she would just go back to a mediocre and disconnected marriage and live the rest of her life with regret.
And without challenging that line of thinking, that is what she will do. That WILL BE her reality. But it doesn’t have to be…..
I helped her to see that those thoughts are limiting her. And just because it’s a practiced thought doesn’t make it inevitably true. She could choose to see what IS true:
- She could choose to end her marriage today
- She could choose to reinvest in her marriage to see if something shifts between them, knowing that she could make a different choice in the future
- She could choose to make a promise to herself to not settle back into a mediocre and disconnected marriage
- If the relationship cannot evolve to a place that feels really good for both of them – with concerted and consistent effort – she can choose to lovingly release it in the future
We each get to choose for our own lives. And each day we get a new opportunity to do so.
What are you choosing to believe about what’s possible in your marriage and what’s not? Because whatever you’re choosing, that is what will be your reality.
Want a different reality? Let’s make a different choice.