“One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.” -Linda Lambert
My client Marie is such a badass. She’s 61, a therapist, and has been married for 29 years to the same man. She has been struggling in her marriage for years, and she’s now at the point that if something doesn’t change, she’s ready to close this chapter. She doesn’t want to divorce her husband, but she doesn’t want this marriage as it is either. She’s smart and articulate, but she can’t figure out why she can’t gather her thoughts enough to have this conversation with her husband. She’s not paralyzed by fear – she’s paralyzed by how to say what needs to be said.
I love working with therapists because they, much like me, can see 12 steps ahead and pick up the tools I teach very quickly. But seeing the 12 steps ahead is actually what’s keeping her stuck. She has too much to say, and thinks she has to say it all at once. She’s been carrying all these thoughts and feelings for so long that she just wants to get it all off her chest.
I reminded her she doesn’t have to do that.
What she has to do is determine what is today’s conversation.
She doesn’t have to express everything all at once, and she certainly doesn’t have to make a decision about her marriage today. She just needs to communicate the thing she needs her husband to know today about what’s on her heart and mind.
That will lead to the next thing that needs to be shared and expressed.
That conversation will lead to new information that will help her know what’s next.
So many people get stuck feeling like they have to share everything all at once; every feeling, every resentment, every hurt, every option that’s running around in their minds.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone unloading years worth of stuff on you? How did that feel? Could you even absorb it all, or did you just tune out at some point?
Marie only has to know what needs to be communicated today. And so do you.
What’s the ONE thing you most wish your partner knew today? Share that and save the rest for another day.
You can get anywhere you want to go just taking one step at a time.
Your next step? Let’s see if there’s a fit for you and I to work together so you can finally get the confidence and clarity you need to either fix the struggles inside your marriage, or move forward without regret.