“The words you speak become the house you live in.” Hafiz
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children.”
“My kids are my highest priority; nothing is more important.”
“I would walk in front of a bus for my children.”
Maybe you’ve said something like this yourself about your own precious children.
And maybe you’ve also found yourself thinking thoughts that sound like:
“We’ve been living like roommates for years. It’s never going to change.”
“We don’t communicate at all. I guess this is just how marriage is after so many years together.”
“I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace.”
You might believe that these two things – your kids and your marriage – are separate things that can be compartmentalized, but you would be incorrect.
Your marriage is the foundation upon which you build your family. And like any home under construction, you would never start adding floors to a home that has a crumbling foundation.
- Our kids look to their parents to know that they’re safe.
- Our kids look to their parents to know they are loved and worthy and adored.
- Our kids look to their parents to understand what love and marriage is supposed to look like.
And even when our kids aren’t “kids” anymore, but rather young adults, the lessons they learned at home during their formative years remain.
So when the marriage isn’t doing well, it can create uncertainty and instability in the home and within our children.
Why it’s time to Get Busy.
Some women find their way to my work when they believe their only path to happiness is to end the marriage. I understand that. They’ve been trying for years to make the relationship feel better and they’ve not been successful…hence the feeling of hopelessness.
But even when that’s what they believe is the only answer, they oftentimes do not begin navigating separation or divorce for two big reasons:
- Divorce is terrifying
- The potential negative impact a divorce will have on their kids
I have a coaching philosophy that has served my clients well when moving out of their stuck places:
We’re either going to get busy leaving, or we’re going to get busy staying.
So, my friends, if you are not yet ready to begin navigating separation or divorce, then you ARE, in fact, choosing to remain in the marriage.
And if you’re going to remain in the marriage, why wouldn’t you do everything you could to try to make it feel good for you? I mean after all…you know intuitively that your kids would benefit if your marriage was thriving…
Or was all that, “I’d walk in front of a bus for my kids,” just talk?
Will it require some effort on your part? Yes.
Will it feel uncomfortable? For sure…if it was in your comfort zone, you would have found your answers by now.
Is it guaranteed to work? No, there are no guarantees in relationships.
The health of your marriage impacts the mental and emotional well-being of your children; they are inextricably tied. So if you want to actively demonstrate love for your children, consider actively investing in making your marriage feel good.
Maybe it’s time we explore whether or not I can help. Here’s your next step forward.