Episode 75: Want to Be Treated Like a Queen? Three Things to Consider

Welcome to the Loving Truth Podcast, where it's all about finding clarity, confidence, and peace in the face of marriage challenges. And now, your host relationship expert and certified master life coach, Sharon Pope. This is Sharon Pope, and this is the Loving Truth. Today, I wanna talk to you about being treated like a queen, right? Every one of us probably really wants to be treated like a queen inside of our most intimate relationships,

but we don't really know how to create that experience for ourselves. So I wanna share with you three things to consider if you want to be treated like a queen inside your most intimate relationship. The first question that I wanna ask you is, do you treat yourself like a queen? This is so important. This is where it all begins, because we treat others how to treat us based upon how we treat ourselves.

You see, we think we're teaching people how to treat us based upon how we treat others, but that's not really true. We teach other people how to treat us based upon how we treat ourselves. So if we are the woman who has no needs and puts everyone else's needs first, well then we teach people that we are a woman who has no needs and enjoys putting your needs ahead of all of hers.

And then we wonder why we never get our needs met. So how you carry yourself and how you treat yourself and what you allow and accommodate in your life is part of the equation that goes into being treated like a queen. Now, people are going to meet us at our level of expectation. So we, if we expect to be treated like a queen,

then we very well might be treated like a queen inside of our relationships, but we shouldn't expect someone to do for us the things which we are not willing to do for ourselves, right? So if we are not willing to treat ourselves and carry ourselves like a queen, then we shouldn't expect anyone else to see us through that lens either. So think about what that means and what that looks like.

Like from a very practical sense, queen energy is gonna feel like a bit of matriarchal energy. I don't know if you know anyone like this in your life, it might be helpful for you to think of someone who has that sort of queen energy that she carries. I'm thinking of a woman that I used to call my bonus mom. So she was the stepmom of my ex-husband,

and she's, and she still is his stepmom, and I still keep in touch with her just through Facebook and things like that. But she was such an incredibly beautiful spirit of a woman. Like when she was with you, she was really with you. You know what I mean? She wasn't ever performative. She wasn't trying to impress anyone. She was always just very grounded in who she was.

So even today when I, because I told you, I'm just connected with her through Facebook, the things that she posts is never about trying to impress someone or just to put on a mask or show the great side of her life and how wonderful her life is. It's never about that. It's always just, this is who I am. These are the things I care about.

These are the things that I hold dear. This is what's important to me. And it's just a way of expression, like self-expression, but not to get something in return, because you, I, I know this at a very deep level. She knows who she is, and she genuinely likes who she is. And if you don't, well then that's on you.

And that is a very, very different approach to how you present yourself to the world and how you show up to relationships than when you don't trust yourself and you're really insecure and you're putting on a mask, or you're being performative when you're not grounded in your body, when you're not grounded in who you are and genuinely liking who you are. So I want you to really think about that.

We all wanna be treated like a queen, but I think so many times we don't carry ourselves like a queen, and we don't treat ourselves as if we're a queen, but then we want other people to treat us like that. So that's the first thing, and probably the most important thing. But this second one that I wanna share with you is if you wanna be treated like a queen in your relationship,

then are you treating your spouse like a king? Now, I asked this question inside my membership one time, and a woman responded. She said, I have never even thought about it like that. Gosh, it's such a good question. Am I treating him like a king? You see, we can't demand from him something that we are unwilling to give to him in return,

right? Like, you need to, you need to be kind to me, but I'm not gonna be kind to you. You need to be respectful of me, but I'm not gonna be respectful of you. Like, you know, that's not how relationships work. So if you wanna be treated like a queen, then you've got to be willing to treat him like a king.

Now, let's talk about, at a very practical sense, what that might look like. Men need to be appreciated. Are you appreciating him? Do you genuinely appreciate, and do you tell him how much you appreciate him and why men want to be respected? Do you tell him why you respect him? Do you actively show him respect? Let me tell you one way that a lot of times I see women get tripped up in this.

So let's say that you're out with a group of your neighbors. Let's say like, you know, a bunch of couples are out together, and let's say, you know, the men are kind of off on their own and the women are off on their own. And inevitably the women, you know, will talk about something that's happening in their family or in their marriage and will make little derogatory comments about our husband.

Like, we're trying to be funny and we're trying to be lighthearted. But in a sense, it is degrading to our husbands, and we put it in the context of a joke so no one gets offended or anything like that, but we put him down and we do it in front of other people. That is a small, probably fairly harmless, but something to pay attention to,

way in which we don't show respect. We don't treat our partners like a king. If we were treating him like a king, all we would do is talk really well about him and talk about all the things that he does really well, and all the ways that you value and appreciate and respect him as your partner. And the other stuff, the harder stuff,

we save that for private. It doesn't mean it's not there. It just means that we don't bring that out publicly, and we make sure that our partners know how we value, appreciate and respect them. So if you wanna be treated like a queen, are you treating your partner like a king? That is point number two. And then the third place,

and I see people do this all the time, and they may not use the whole king queen language, but they withhold until they get, here's what I mean. You know what? That's great, Sharon, but I'll treat him like a king when he starts treating me like a queen. Like I'm gonna wait to get before I give. Unfortunately, that's how a lot of us approach.

Our most intimate relationship is I'll do for you when you do for me, and then we're loving to get something as opposed to loving, because that is what we came here to do. That's why we're in this marriage to begin with that. And frankly, it's who we are at our core is just love. So when we withhold love, we're actually withholding a really important piece of ourselves.

So here's what I would say in this whole dilemma of who's gonna go first. Someone has to go first. Someone has to be the willing to give before they ever receive, and they have to be willing to give, not to get, just to give, because it feels good to give. So someone's gotta be willing to go first. Otherwise, you're both just on the opposite ends of the spectrum,

and no one is getting their needs met. You're both sort of hanging back with your arms crossed, waiting for the other. To step into the gap, I want you to be willing to step into that gap and say, I'm gonna show up as the woman, wife, partner that I want to be in this relationship so that I can be proud of who I am and how I'm showing up in my own life,

because that's who I want to be. So I'm gonna treat my partner like a king. He may or may not return the favor, but I'm gonna feel good about who I am and how I'm showing up. So be the one that loves first. Be the one that's willing to step into the gap. It's always going to pay dividends. It may not look,

that dividend may not look the way you want it to look, but that's not why you do it, right? If we are loving to get, then that's not love, right? That some version of manipulation or control or fear, but it's not love. Love is just giving because it's who we are and it's how we wanna show up in our lives.

And then that circles back to how we're showing up. Are we showing up as someone with that matriarchal energy, that queen energy, who genuinely loves and appreciates and values themselves? It's something important to think about, right? So I hope that gives you something to consider and something new to chew on so that you can show up in your life and in your,

in your relationships, feeling really good about who you are because you should. All right? Until next time, take good care. If you're listening to this podcast because you're struggling to decide whether to stay or go in your marriage and you're serious about finding that answer, it's time to book a Truth and Clarity session with a member of my team. On the call,

we'll discuss where you are in your marriage and explore if there's a fit for you and I to work together so you can make and execute the right decision for you and your marriage. Go to clarity for my marriage.com to fill out an application now that's clarity for my marriage.com.