“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.” Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
One of my clients is building an amazing new coaching practice for adolescents and young adults trying to find their way in the world. She left behind a teaching career, a pension and the illusion of safety and security. She has no doubts about where she’s going and what she’s going to accomplish, but you can bet that her bold moves are bringing up all sorts of fears in other people – particularly those well-intentioned friends and family that love and care about her.
She was having a conversation about her new business with her fearful cousin and he started the What If game:
What if it doesn’t work?
What if you’ve made a mistake?
What if you don’t attract enough clients to pay the mortgage?
To which she responded, “I am really excited about my new coaching practice and I would love to keep having this conversation with you about it, but only if you can be positive and supportive. If you can’t be that, then let’s just talk about something else.”
Drop. The. Mic.
And just like that his energy completely shifted. He was able to offer her support. He wanted to know more.
The holidays give us a lot of opportunity to become really intentional about what energy we allow into our lives. We all have that fearful cousin, or that mother that has to worry or that friend that wants to bring you down so she can feel better about herself.
But you get to decide what energy you allow into your life, your space and most certainly, your heart.
You get to choose who you share different pieces of your life with. If someone can’t give you the loving, supportive energy you need, that doesn’t mean you have to cut them completely out of your life (although that is an option), but it also doesn’t mean you have to give them keys to the kingdom.
It’s called setting a boundary that feels loving toward yourself.
It means wanting to feel good and intentionally not spending a lot of time with people that drain or discourage you.
It may even mean walking away from toxic relationships or false friendships.
You get to decide who and what energy you let in. And you get to decide what energy you bring to your interactions with others. And when you get intentional about both those things, your relationships will become dramatically more loving, nurturing and supportive.