The Most Important Thing a Man Wants

Last updated: May 12, 2023

“(on love) It’s the only thing that allows men and women to stand in a world where gravity always seems to want to pull them down…bring them low…and make them crawl.”  Stephen King

I was asked to co-author an article this week on – entitled, “The Most Important Thing a Man Wants in a Woman. 14 Relationship Experts Share Their Insights.”

I was looking for some outside inspiration and posed the question on my Facebook page. The feedback I got was amazing and a bit surprising. Some of the best traits men listed were, confidence, connection, trust, respect, a sense of humor, warmth, and being there and being able to communicate through adversity.

I even had a few hilarious responses, such as:

In a senior citizen community, the most important quality for a woman to have is a car and the ability to drive. And then one of my colorful friends said, Let me ask my wife what I think and I will get back to you.

What I chose to write about within the article was that after men have lived long enough and experienced some difficult and painful experiences in their lives…..the thing a man wants – more than anything – is a partner:

  • A man wants someone they can share their joys with and someone who will stand beside them as they face challenges.
  • A man wants a woman that has their backs, someone who is consistently in their corner, but will also challenge them as well to reach for their full potential.
  • A man wants a woman that is confident enough to know who she is and what she has inside of the relationship, so they don’t let jealousy or insecurity or distrust get in the way of a good thing.

A man wants someone who will make them and their lives together a priority.

But painting all men with broad brushstrokes can be deceiving…

In my first marriage, even now in hindsight, I couldn’t tell you what quality was really important to my husband in our marriage. I didn’t know what was important to him, mostly because I had never asked.

That seems like a bit of a missed opportunity on my part and maybe it is on yours as well.

I’ve been working with a client recently, who she and her husband are heading into a different phase of their lives as empty-nesters and are trying to figure out if they can stay together through that phase. What she discovered was that she wants a life of spontaneity and adventure. She wants to travel the world, go hiking and maybe even start a new business. He wants to buy some land with a lake and have the grandkids come to visit.

She wants to start living and he wants to slow down. Isn’t that good to know? There’s no right or wrong…it’s just different.

And what if what he wants is something you don’t have? What if self-confidence is the single most important trait to him, but it’s been your lack of confidence that has kept you stuck in a painful relationship as long as you have?

If you don’t know what it is your man really wants, maybe it’s time to ask.

Here’s a link to the article on

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