“A man is only insecure about a female when he knows she deserves better.” -Unknown Author
Some husbands are grateful for the work I do with their wives. When their relationship completely transforms and they’re now closer than ever (and sometimes having more sex than ever), the husbands of my clients sing my praises. One even said that I will forever be on the Christmas card list, which made me lol.
Some husbands are threatened by the work I do with their wives. Some would prefer that I just shame or guilt my clients into staying in the troubled and disconnected marriage regardless of the cost to her.
When men realize that I leave divorce on the table as a perfectly viable option for my clients, they make up names for me or degrade my work, like referring to me as the Minister of Divorce.
Think about why a husband would do that.
- His wife is getting stronger, more confident, more emotionally stable isn’t a good thing if she also makes the decision to leave the marriage.
- As she learns to have a voice in the relationship and is able to set healthy boundaries for herself, he’s no longer able to control and manipulate.
- What if she’s learning tools that will help her own her desires and be a better partner in relationships and she chooses to no longer be in relationship with him?
Well, that ISN’T a positive thing from a husband’s perspective:
- If he’s threatened by that newfound confidence he sees in his wife…
- If he’s insecure about himself or his marriage…
- If he’s used to being able to control and manipulate…
- If he doesn’t want to take any accountability for how the marriage has reached this place of struggle and say you’re to blame…
- If he knows he hasn’t been showing up as the man and husband he wants to be in the relationship and he’d really like her to go back to burying her head in the sand.
Those are the men that would just prefer that their wives stop wanting more…
Stop wanting more connection, more communication, more closeness…
Those are the men that want you to be fine with a “perfectly fine” marriage.
Sometimes women assume that if they begin working with me they need to keep it a secret from their husbands. Actually, no. It’s the opposite. I WANT you to tell your husband about our work together. I welcome them to check out my web site and my teachings. Here’s why:
- If you’re genuinely trying to make the marriage work, why would you keep a secret from him?
- There’s nothing to hide… you’re learning some relationship tools that give some hope of making the marriage feel better than it does today and that’s a good thing.
- And… he’s on notice. If he didn’t realize how unhappy you were inside the marriage before, he does now. You just invested a lot of money to either make the marriage feel better or walk away knowing you did everything you could before making that painful decision (That’s part of The Decision Process that I teach my clients).
Even though you’ve been telling him that you’re tired of living like roommates, he’s listening now.
Even though you’ve expressed how unhappy you are – numerous times – I promise you… he’s paying attention differently now.
Insecure men who aren’t willing to take any responsibility for their own actions insult what they fear.
Want to know what a confident man does in this situation?
- He begins asking questions and being curious about what you’re learning…
- He begins showing up differently inside the marriage… maybe even hiring a coach himself.
- He sometimes even wants to watch some of the videos and learn these tools as well.
Some men embrace the tools their wives are learning because they see her trying in a new way and it gives them hope that the marriage truly can evolve.
Some men are threatened by the tools their wives are learning because he will no longer be in control of his wife’s choices.
I’ll leave you to guess which marriages often come out stronger and which ones almost immediately weaken.
Want to explore working together? Here’s a link to the online application.