“Each of our paths is uniquely perfect. Life presents us with what we need to grow.” Judith Orloff, M.D. The Ecstasy of Surrender
She was crying daily, uncontrollably, in front of clients and behind closed doors. It had been several weeks since her breakup and she was feeling so out of control with her emotions that she thought she needed to be put away somewhere.
They had been together for 7 years and he had been emotionally manipulative towards her. His words weren’t matching his actions. Promising love and a future together, but then only giving her emotional crumbs. Each time she tried to leave, he turned on the charm and changed her mind. Not surprisingly, he had been having an affair and that was the instigator of the final breakup.
This woman stood there in front of me with a sadness so palpable that I could feel it myself and I could see the broken little girl inside.
She reached out for help and guidance but kept looking for something, anything to release her from the pain and sadness she was feeling. And so it is with a broken heart…
Whenever we’re in the midst of a breakup, we are looking for a life preserver to help us float, but we’re not at the point of where we’re ready to be pulled on board, dried off and brought back safely to land.
We’re not ready for a breakthough when we’re in the midst of a breakup.
We’re still mourning the loss of the relationship. We’re still mourning the vision of the life we saw for ourselves with another. We’re mourning the possibility.
It’s a sacred time, actually, even though it feels like hell.
But mercifully, we don’t stay there.
The breakthrough is waiting for us when we’re ready. It’s not going anywhere. It’s sitting in a trust account, waiting for us, until we’re ready to heal.
I’ve come to trust the perfection in the journey. I’ve come to love (or at least respect) that the most important lesson that we are ever to learn is the one sitting right in front of us at this time.
The real breakthrough after the breakup for this woman is when she’s able to answer some of her life’s big questions, such as:
- What had she come to believe about herself over those 7 years that would allow her to stay with an emotionally manipulative partner?
- What had she accepted, tolerated and accommodated as a woman that she can likely see more clearly now?
- How does she forgive? First herself; then him and everyone else.
- How will this experience make her a better partner in the future? A better human being right now?
- How can she find peace and learn to trust again?
This is the beautiful work I’m blessed enough to do right now. This is why women turn to me as their life coach and life preserver and who I help back into the boat when they’re ready to heal. When you’re able to watch someone really discover the beautiful truth about themselves and in the end, find peace and love again in their life….it’s such a gift.
As always, Tell the Truth, Show up in Love. Live in Freedom.