What if I Don’t Want to Save My Marriage?

Last updated: Jun 25, 2019

“A major life decision is never a choice but rather a realization that the decision has already been made.” Doug Cooper


My husband and I were newly separated. I had moved into a furnished apartment about 20 minutes away and he was in living in our home wondering what the hell had just happened.

He asked me if I would go to marriage counseling with him…

And I knew I should…

That would be the right thing to do, after all…

What kind of person wouldn’t at least try?

But I didn’t want to.

I didn’t really want to go through the motions and pretend.

Because deep down, I didn’t want to save my marriage.

I was done. I had been done for a long time. I just hadn’t yet admitted it to myself or anyone else.

I know some of you receive these emails about how to save your marriage and quietly think to yourself: “But what if I don’t want to save my marriage?”

We can remain stuck there for a long time because if we don’t want to save the marriage, we think the only option is to do what I did and leave…which feels terrifying and destructive. And we think about what a horrible person we must be to no longer want to try to make the marriage work.

It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that, at least from your perspective, the relationship is over.

It’s not really a decision we wake-up and make one day and then check that off on the to-do list. I’ve decided today that I don’t want to save my marriage.

It’s like an undercurrent that’s been running beneath your heart for years.

It is a realization of what is.

It’s what is true for you…now…in this moment.

There’s actually some peace in that awareness.




If You’re Struggling In Your Marriage…

I will help you find the clarity you need to re-commit to making your marriage work
or the strength and peace of mind to lovingly release it.