“A major life decision is never a choice but rather a realization that the decision has already been made.” Doug Cooper
My husband and I were newly separated. I had moved into a furnished apartment about 20 minutes away and he was in living in our home wondering what the hell had just happened.
He asked me if I would go to marriage counseling with him…
And I knew I should…
That would be the right thing to do, after all…
What kind of person wouldn’t at least try?
But I didn’t want to.
I didn’t really want to go through the motions and pretend.
Because deep down, I didn’t want to save my marriage.
I was done. I had been done for a long time. I just hadn’t yet admitted it to myself or anyone else.
I know some of you receive these emails about how to save your marriage and quietly think to yourself: “But what if I don’t want to save my marriage?”
We can remain stuck there for a long time because if we don’t want to save the marriage, we think the only option is to do what I did and leave…which feels terrifying and destructive. And we think about what a horrible person we must be to no longer want to try to make the marriage work.
It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that, at least from your perspective, the relationship is over.
It’s not really a decision we wake-up and make one day and then check that off on the to-do list. I’ve decided today that I don’t want to save my marriage.
It’s like an undercurrent that’s been running beneath your heart for years.
It is a realization of what is.
It’s what is true for you…now…in this moment.
There’s actually some peace in that awareness.