Let’s say that your husband is thinking about making a decision that will impact your and your kids’ lives forever….. But he’s not talking to you about that decision… And you have zero ability to...
Are You Making a Decision in a Vacuum?
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Stuck in Indecision: Stay or Go?
Are You Over-Functioning in Your Relationship?
“Those who have trouble giving attract those who have trouble receiving.” Amanda Owen My client - who I’ll refer to as Cheryl - had a baby five weeks pre-maturely and was suffering from postpartum...
How Can I Possibly Leave a Good Man?
“The simplest kind of decision is binary.” E.J.W. Barber I have seen this behavior thousands of times… “He’s a good man…”“He’s a good father…”“Everyone loves him…” When we’re struggling inside of...
How Can I Trust the Changes I’m Seeing?
“Trust is built with consistency.” Lincoln Chafee I have seen this behavior thousands of times… One partner in the relationship notices the disconnection and tries to make it better. They...
Why Can’t I Love My Husband Again?
“The first secret to getting what you want is knowing what you want.” Arthur D. Hlavaty Years ago, I had a coach ask me: “Do you want it? Or do you just want to want it?” That one question floored...
We Don’t Say the Quiet Thing Out Loud
“There is a price to pay for speaking the truth. There is a bigger price for living a lie.” Cornel West It was around the tenth year in my first marriage that I began feeling very disconnected...
Your Familiar Discomfort
“Familiar discomfort feels the same as comfort.” Brianna Wiest Rebecca showed up on one of the Truth & Clarity calls my team member Rachelle hosts. She shared the deep challenges she’s...
Why Do So Many Marriages Blow-up in Menopause?
“What is rarely acknowledged and understood is that as these hormone-driven changes affect the brain, they give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice, and a voice that insists on speaking...
“I am so, so tired.”
“One of the quickest ways to become exhausted is by suppressing your feelings.” Bill Vaughan “I am so tired. I am tired of just existing. I am tired of feeling like I’m not a priority. I am tired of...
When resentment turns into entitlement
“Unexpressed emotions never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” - Sigmund Freud “I haven’t felt connected to my husband for almost two years and I feel like I’m...
The 3 versions of unhappy (in your marriage)
"Indeed there has never been any explanation of the ebb and flow in our veins - of happiness and unhappiness.” - Virginia Woolf No one finds their way to my work when they’re happy – at least not...
The Purpose of Guilt
“Guilt is there to punish and protect us.” - Mastin Kipp One of the emotions that will keep women struggling in disconnected marriages stuck in indecision about whether to stay or go is guilt. Guilt...
What you can learn from what comes after “BUT”…
“If something is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” Ryan Blair I want to trust my husband again, BUT…I just don’t know if I can. I want to be able to open...
Why you’re still struggling…
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” John Assaraf If you’ve been struggling in your marriage for a long time, there’s a reason why. If you’ve been following my...
NO ONE is meant to be controlled…
“I know it’s a hard lesson to learn, but you cannot love yourself and love someone who hurts you at the same time. Please choose you.” Stephanie Bennett-Henry My client’s husband is controlling. She...
How to Know if A Woman is Checked Out of Her Marriage
“Whether you’re checked in or checked out, you’re always on a spiritual journey.” Alanis Morissette Women will often leave a marriage mentally years before they leave physically. When I’m working...
I’m monitoring everything he does…
“Surveillance rarely breeds trust.” Esther Perel Joannie found out about her husband’s affair with a co-worker six weeks ago, and ever since, it’s been an emotional roller-coaster. He’s saying all...
COVID Has Been Hard on Marriages
“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” Hans Selye For over a year, we’ve all been forced into very close proximity with our spouses. And only those in our immediate family or...
A Crowded Marriage
“Again and again he cheated on her. Every time she forgives thinking he would do it not again.” Jaspal Virdi When there’s been infidelity inside of a marriage, a lot of people might assume that most...
Setting a Boundary (in the Name of Love)
“Beware of the people who make you think you’re holding a grudge when you’re really holding a boundary.” Mel Robbins Setting healthy boundaries isn’t something that we learned how to do. Certainly...
Are You in a Lonely Marriage?
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” 2009 film, 'World’s Greatest Dad' One of...
What Do You REALLY Want?
“Desire is possibility seeking expression.” Ralph Waldo Emerson A couple of weeks ago, I talked about getting clear about your desires. This is so important. Because, as women, we were never really...
I Don’t Want to Lose My Family
“People aren’t attached to people, they’re attached to their beliefs.” Byron Katie My client, K., had been married for nearly 20 years and she had two boys, ages 15 and 9. The marriage hadn’t been...
Making a Decision When There’s an Affair
“But when we reduce the conversation to passing judgment, we are left with no conversation at all.” Esther Perel It’s not uncommon that my clients have had an affair at some point. I appreciate...
How My Marriage Kept Me Stuck in My Wounds
“After age seven, 95% of our life is based on the programs we downloaded in the first seven years. 70% of those programs are limiting and disempowering.” Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D We all have wounds...
Being Ready to Create Change in Your Life
“Just because it’s not happening right now doesn’t mean it never will.” Daniell Koepke Have you ever wondered why some of the clients I speak about are able to make a decision about their lonely and...
Do I Have to Forget the Past to Move Forward?
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” -Thomas Szasz I have a client whose husband cheated on her...repeatedly. Every time life...
Will These Changes Last?
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new.” Socrates My client L. and I have been working together for nine weeks and even though she had been...
You Have the Relationship You Want. (Read that again.)
“The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important.” Michael Neill I saw something recently that kind of pissed me off. It said something along the lines of…. You have the bank...
I Can’t Do That to Him
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” Brené Brown One of the pervasive thoughts that keep women stuck in indecision is that...
2021: Will This Be the Year You Finally Decide?
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” Theodore Roosevelt Each year, we make commitments to ourselves… We will eat...
How Our Self-Respect Plays a Role in Marriage
“We have to do our part and show-up for ourselves in order to gain our own self-respect.” -Jacqueline Somerville I heard something this week from one of my mentors that I had not heard before. She...
Maybe Now Is the Perfect Time
“Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.” Zoey Sayward For sure our holidays look and feel very different this year than in years past. We’re not traveling like we...
How Do I Know Whether to Stay or Go?
“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.” - Nhat Hanh Women often find their way to my work when the problems inside...
The Silent Contract Between You Two
"No one is angrier than someone doing the “right thing” and secretly wishing for something else." - James Hollis Jill and Barry are going to cross their 16th wedding anniversary soon. But she...
What Are We Arguing About?
“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking.” - Naomi Wolf One of my clients came downstairs and picked a fight with her husband about how messy the...
Why Divorce Should ALWAYS Be an Option
“The vow, ‘till death do us part, is killing our marriages.” Sharon Pope I know...I know….it’s blasphemy. Divorce talk from a relationship coach? (Insert gasp here…) But wait, there’s more...
What’s the Worst That Will Happen?
“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.” Peter Bromberg Maybe you’ve been avoiding having a difficult conversation with your spouse. Maybe...
Waiting for Change
It was about this time last year that my client, Suzanne, was waiting for her daughter to graduate before confronting her husband about his affair. She didn’t want that drama impacting her...
Why is Marriage So Hard? – Part Three
Why is marriage so hard? Does it have to be this difficult? Shouldn't it be easier? The answer is yes, but it will require us to begin accepting and embracing our differences rather than railing...
Why Is Marriage So Hard? – Part Two
Why is marriage so hard? Why do my needs never get met? Will things ever change? I’ve been learning everything I possibly can about the differences between men and women so that we can begin to...
Why is Marriage So Hard? – Part One
Have you ever asked yourself, why is marriage so hard? Implied in that question is that marriage shouldn't be difficult...that love should be easy, effortless. Clearly, that's not true. But marriage...
When a Marriage is Tested
“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” Paulo Coelho A worldwide pandemic… A child in struggle… An affair...
I’m Stuck. Is That True?
“You have to stop thinking that you’ll be stuck in your current situation forever…Don’t confuse a season, for a lifetime.” Brittney Moses I’ve heard several reports recently referencing how the call...
It’s Going to Get Rough 🌩️
It’s only been a week since many of us were forced to start spending more time at home with our spouses. We went from spending a majority of our time at the office, the gym, running errands, and...
One Reason for Some Affairs: Disconnection from Self
“It’s one thing to lose people you love. It is another to lose yourself. That is a greater loss.” Donna Goddard My client, who I’ll refer to as Sue, had been enduring more than her fair share of...
Enough is Enough. (Rant Warning)
“There comes a point in every man’s life when he has to say: “Enough is enough.” Lance Armstrong I’m sitting on my hotel balcony on the second floor. It was a warm Arizona evening and there was a...
Unconditional Love is Not Unconditional Consequences
“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.” Yvonne Pierre Loving unconditionally is the hardest work we will ever do in our...
Why Most Affairs Don’t Live Happily Ever After
“Sometimes when we cheat, we’re running away from our partners. Sometimes we’re running away from ourselves and the person we’ve become.” Esther Perel Some affairs lead to lasting love; most...
Give Up the Need to Know…For Now.
“Have no judgements, no expectations and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.” Caroline Myss I asked a group of women that I coach regarding their struggling and disconnected marriages...
Choosing Between Two Men
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…” José N. Harris When a woman has had an affair – and falls in love – she thinks...
I Hope I’m Never Someone’s Contingency Plan
“We have contingency plans for war, but none for peace.” Theodore C. Sorensen I’d like to offer a relationship story that is purely hypothetical…wink;) wink;) A client that I’ll refer to as...
Women Leave Mentally Before They Leave Physically
“Women leave mentally before they leave physically...Once you lose her mind, the body soon follows.” Stephan Speaks Relationships Sometimes the women I work with want to do everything they can to...
He’s Not Meeting My Needs
He’s Not Meeting My Needs… “You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.” Tracy Kaufmann We’ve all been in relationships...
Is It Possible to Heal a Marriage After an Affair? Part 3
Both perspectives matter: “What it did to me and what it meant for you.” Esther Perel I’m going to say something that’s likely going to confuse you (and maybe even piss you off a bit)… Here it goes:...
Is it Possible to Heal a Marriage After an Affair? Part 2
“The daggers of silence last longer than anything ever spoken.” Shannon L. Alder The nature of my coaching practice means I have to exist in the grey areas of life in order to understand human...
But My Situation Is Different…
“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what’s missing in the other person.” Wayne Dyer I love how the Universe works… My message today has been about how we...
Difficult Conversations Will Be Uncomfortable
“Difficult conversations will be uncomfortable for a few hours, but that’s better than a lifetime of second-guessing, regret or disconnection.” -Me Every once in a while, someone will reach...
Surviving Infidelity
“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed...
Can I Trust Him?
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unknown Author Most of the time when I speak to men and women about trust in their marriages, we’re talking about...
Understanding Emotional Infidelity
“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he...
Verbally Abusive Relationship
“Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not.” Stephan Labossiere Imagine for a moment, you’re in the next room while your daughter and her husband are having an argument. You're listening-in...
How Do You Know When Your Marriage is Over?
“Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high is dignity.” Ritu Ghatourey By the time people find their way to my work, they’ve...
Are You Growing Closer Together or Drifting Further Apart?
“Continents drift and so do hearts.” John Mark Green In my marriage and relationship coaching practice, people reach out to me when their marriages have been struggling for years or even decades....
If Your Husband is Controlling, Here’s Why.
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.” Genereux Philip Many of my clients have controlling husbands. Their husbands are afraid that their wives are not being...
1825 Days Without Affection
“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had...
Some of the Most Successful People You Know Have Relationship Struggles
“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” W....
Why Bother Trying?
“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett Fixing our relationship just seems so hard… Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an...
The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…
“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or...
The Mature Marriage: Five Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble
"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come...
Why I Don’t Give Advice
“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling...
Support Groups Seem Like a Perfectly Logical Idea…
“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau When people are struggling in their marriages, they often feel confused about what to do and scared of making the...
Begging for Affection
“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother “I can sit next to...
I Don’t Miss Him Because…
“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can...
How Did We Go from Hope to Hate?
“Truth is about perception and what we believe shapes what we perceive.” Alan B Jones Imagine for a second you’re sitting in your living room and just on the other side of a sliding glass...
I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair
“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick “I never intended for this to happen.” “I never saw this coming.” “I...
When We Betray Ourselves
“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online...
The Power in Making a Decision
“Courage and confidence are what decision making is all about.” Mike Krzyzewski A client, who I’ll call Paula, had gotten stuck. Six weeks ago, she told her husband that she felt it was time...
The Four Stages of Marriage
"Our marriages are never static; they are always changing - either growing or withering..." Dave & Claudie Arp Our marriages and most intimate relationships are incredibly complex and...
Comfortably Unhappy
“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all...
A Confused Mind Does Nothing
“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey A confused mind does nothing. Someone said this to me in passing recently. They said it as if it had been said a million times before. And it...
What if I Don’t Want to Save My Marriage?
“A major life decision is never a choice but rather a realization that the decision has already been made.” Doug Cooper My husband and I were newly separated. I had moved into a furnished...
Would You Stay if Your Husband Cheated? Three Questions to Help You Decide if You Should Stay or Go.
“Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it.” Diane Sollee In our Western culture, monogamy is so widely assumed that it’s rarely even discussed before marriage. But that broad assumption that...
There is No Such Thing as Destiny
“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” Elizabeth Gilbert April 19th. Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary had I stayed married. I...
Why We Choose to Cheat Instead of Leave a Bad Marriage
"The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation." Cheryl Hughes My...
Indecision Sucks
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and...
Having It All Together is Highly Overrated
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson It was about 18 years ago when I was committed to having...
50 Ways We Leave Our Lovers
“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...
Can I Afford to Leave My Husband?
“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” Ursula K. LeGuin Asking the question, "Can I afford to leave my husband?" isn't the most productive question to ask. I remember the day I walked away...
What’s Important to You?
“…take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and courage to build your life around that answer.” Lee Jampolsky When I was unhappy and struggling in my first marriage,...
Five Reasons Why So Many People File for Divorce in January and When is the Best Time to Divorce?
“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.” Margaret Atwood January may be the coldest month for both weather and marriages. It is notoriously the highest month for...
What It’s Like When We Love Someone but are No Longer in Love.
“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Elizabeth Gilbert Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in...
The Missing Piece in Your Decision to Leave Your Marriage
When faced with major life decisions, it’s natural to take time to ensure the right one is made. Weighing the pros and cons, making lists, asking other’s opinions, doing extensive research, reading...
Seeking Answers for My Marriage…
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell How many books have you read seeking answers for your marriage? How many therapists have you sought out?...
Seek This Before Deciding to Leave Your Marriage
When faced with major life decisions, it’s natural to take time to ensure the right one is made. Weighing the pros and cons, making lists, asking other’s opinions, doing extensive research, reading...
Why Do So Many Second and Third Marriages End?
“It’s easy to blame others when things are broken. The hard part is recognizing the part you played in it all.” Unknown Author Here are the unbelievable stats about marriage and divorce*: 40%-50% of...
Does He Have Something to Hide
“Questions are only offensive to those who have something to hide.” Gary Hopkins I see it all the time with my clients, particularly those that are struggling with trying to figure out if they...
Are You the Weakest Link in Your Relationship?
“...hearts are not like hands. two isn’t better than one when the other is broken.” Alexandra Elle We enter into most relationships ill-equipped. Both you and your partner learned things that...
Marriage Vows and Divorce: Is Till Death Do Us Part Still Relevant?
“Waiting Hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering.” Paolo Coelho I’ve never worked with a client who was considering the decision to potentially...
Your Hurt. Your Pain. Your Anger.
“When her pain is fresh and new, let her have it. Don’t try to take it away. Grief and pain…are not things we should try to snatch from each other. They’re sacred.” Glennon Doyle Melton It...