“Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught.” Bruce Lee Around this time every year, I see people quit on themselves in...
The definition of self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or ability. The definition of intimacy is not – contrary to popular opinion - sexual intercourse. Sometimes intimacy gets expressed...
“This phenomenon of decreasing desire as the relationship continues on is near universal for women…and men as well.” Dr. Lori Brotto Every time my husband and I want to go out to dinner, he asks me...
“If our thoughts aren’t in alignment with Queen energy, we need to change them.” Tonya Leigh There are some very ironic truths that I see in marriages today: Everyone on the planet wants to be heard...
You CAN have the relationship you desire.You CAN create the relationship of your dreams!It’s possible for you… just like it was possible for me. Give me five minutes to explain how! Because I hear...
Most of us get married because it’s something that we want within the life we’re creating. Which means, it’s somewhat like a milestone goal. And what happens when you “accomplish” the goal? You move...
Most coaches write books to establish credibility in their industry and preach their message to a wider platform. But I’ve written eight books (and counting)... I didn’t write this book for...
“Never apologize for asking for what you need, if you don’t ask - the answer will always be no.” Ken Petti Everyone has needs. And pretending otherwise is a lie. Women often have a difficult...
“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” Ric Ocasek When our lives become stressful, do you think we should communicate more or less inside our...
“How does the pressing reality of the ‘I’ve gotta have him every minute of the day’ feeling in the brain transmute to an ‘Oh, hi, you again...How’s everything?’ state of mind? The hormone rushes of...
“Most women feel they can not renegotiate the unwritten marriage contract.” Louann Brizandine, M.D. It really is only within our long-term relationships where we are challenged to navigate the...
“When you share the details of your daily life, you create connection between two people. When you withhold details from your daily life from your spouse, you create disconnection.” - Sharon Pope We...
“As I am is how this is.” Client L. I attract the most amazing women and this particular client was no exception. It wasn’t about her accomplishments, although she had those. It wasn’t about her...
“Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” Arthur Burt My client and her husband are both entrepreneurs. But my client was always frustrated because her...
“We only control what we don’t trust...Love is the opposite of control. Love demands trust.” Glennon Doyle One of my most favorite things as a coach is going back to review the words that were...
“Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick.” Steve Jobs What would happen if you stopped showing up for work? Seriously, pretend that starting tomorrow you’re just not going to...
“His strength doesn’t rob me of my own.” Sharon Pope As a young girl, I saw my mom work hard. Going from a part-time secretary when I was six years old to becoming a VP of HR by the time I was in...
“Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.” – M. Esther Harding In our closest, most intimate relationship...let’s be honest...we have some high expectations. We want to have a partner that can...
“But when you are attracted to someone it’s because of the details...their kindness...their eyes...their smile...the fact that they can get you to laugh when you need it most.” Unknown Author Some...
“Practice the pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When you’re stressed or frustrated, pause.” -Toby Mac My client did an extraordinary thing a couple of weeks ago. I referred to it as...
“God’s purpose for man is to acquire a seeing eye and an understanding heart.” - Rumi If we want to have amazing relationships with men, we need to understand men a little better. (And yes, if men...
If one has not in fact grown in the course of a marriage, it has been a dreadful disaster. Mere longevity in a marriage is not necessarily something to celebrate, for what happened to the souls of...
“I went to war for what we had; you never even laced your boots.” N.R. Shepherd When do you know the marriage is over? When do you stop fighting for the marriage? My client listed all the things...
“Just when you think you haven’t got anything left, take a deep breath and take one more step. It could be the one thing that changes everything.” - Rachael Bermingham Sometimes my clients surprise...
“If you’re only talking tactics and logistics (no longer talking about your hopes and dreams), your relationship will eventually feel like roommates.” -paraphrased from Alex Charfen When I ask women...
“A man is only insecure about a female when he knows she deserves better.” -Unknown Author Some husbands are grateful for the work I do with their wives. When their relationship completely...
“Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be.” -David Bly My new client and I met for the first time on our first video coaching session. It is during this first session...
A few days ago, I posted a quote from Frida Kahlo (a world-renowned self-portrait painter, with multiple disabilities in the early 1900s and a role model for generations of artists) to her husband...
“Oh, you weak, beautiful people who give up with such grace. What you need is someone to take hold of you - gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.” Tennessee Williams There was a time...
“In relationships between dominant and subordinate groups, the subordinate group members always possess a far greater understanding of dominant group members and their culture than vice versa.”...
“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.” Peter Bromberg Maybe you’ve been avoiding having a difficult conversation with your spouse. Maybe...
“Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.” Zig Ziglar I have been working with R. for some time and she and her husband’s relationship have gone through plenty of high and low points. But...
"The first duty of love is to listen." Paul Tillich When we intellectually know something is both necessary and important… But we still choose to not pay much attention to it… That means...
Why is marriage so hard? Does it have to be this difficult? Shouldn't it be easier? The answer is yes, but it will require us to begin accepting and embracing our differences rather than railing...
Why is marriage so hard? Why do my needs never get met? Will things ever change? I’ve been learning everything I possibly can about the differences between men and women so that we can begin to...
Have you ever asked yourself, why is marriage so hard? Implied in that question is that marriage shouldn't be difficult...that love should be easy, effortless. Clearly, that's not true. But marriage...
“When you show deep empathy towards others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.” Stephen Covey If...
“You’ll never get what you need by demanding what you want.” Matthew L. Jacobson Has anyone come to you within the last week and asked you, “What do you need?” or “What can I do for you?” If...
“What you focus on expands. So focus on what you want, not what you do not want.” Esther Jno-Charles If you have been struggling in your marriage feeling disconnected and alone, I have some bad...
“There is no such thing as a clean slate.” Simon Asher Beth has had so much hurt and betrayal over the last 25 years in her marriage. Her husband has shown her rage and anger, blaming her for his...
“Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.” Wayne Dyer Maybe this sounds familiar to you: “Last night my husband and I were discussing whether or not he would go out of his way to pick up some...
“If there were an anti-depressant that worked like gratitude, we would all be on it.” Martha Beck I received an email from a client who is trying very hard to make her marriage feel good again. She...
When I say the terms alpha and beta here, I do not mean that alpha is better than or superior in any way to a beta. It’s not a hierarchy. It’s a disposition, a way of approaching life. One wants to...
“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” Anne Frank Here’s a great question I got from a client in my membership program: If it's not our job to make each other happy, what is our...
"The truth only hurts when you want to believe a lie." Jennifer McVey Most of us would agree that lying to our spouses is wrong. We understand that principle intellectually, but that doesn’t stop us...
“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” Brandon Sanderson Marriage began as a means to increase wealth and power for a family. Men...
“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal himself or herself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” David Whyte When our...
“The daggers of silence last longer than anything ever spoken.” Shannon L. Alder The nature of my coaching practice means I have to exist in the grey areas of life in order to understand human...
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi If a marriage is a beautiful piece of glass, affairs are the immediate shattering of that glass right in front of us. Surrounded by shards...
“Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment.” Angela Bassett My client, Tracey, is a successful real estate agent – which is to say she spends her days running around like her...
“The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.” Vince Lombardi When we’re struggling in our marriages, the obvious solution is to go to...
Will my husband ever change? “Resistance to change manifests itself in many ways, from foot-dragging and inertia to petty sabotage to outright rebellions.” Rosabeth Moss Kanter Sometimes we expect...
“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he...
“If someone is arguing with you, you are saying something arguable.” Julia B. Colwell, PhD One of the things I help my private clients do is identify the patterns of engagement with their...
“The urge to blame is based…on the fear of being blamed.” Douglas Stone In our marriages, it seems the conversation we avoid the most are the very ones we most need to be having with our partners....
“People can’t change the truth, but the truth can change people.” Drake My client, who I’ll refer to as Naomi shared something important with me recently: She said she realized how she was...
“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” Carl Gustav Jung My new client, who I’ll refer to as Paula, recently found out that her husband has been having an affair with another woman for at least ten...
“Rarely does anything get properly cooked on the back burner.” Susan Gale Back when most of us got married, it felt like some sort of an accomplishment. We checked that box with a buoyant optimism...
“Being both soft and strong is an accomplishment that very few have mastered.” Yasmin Mogahed In my first marriage, I was a woman who was strong and capable and driven. I was a marketing...
“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” Stephen Kendrick Loving unconditionally is easy to say, living it is so much more difficult. When my husband is telling me...
Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a...
“Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.” Mao Zedong If you were to look at the national averages for divorce rates in the US for people in the healthcare profession, it would...
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married...
“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the...
“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get...
“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that...
“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you...
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his...
“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words,...
“Men want to communicate with the women they love, but how they need to go about it is likely to be very different.” Shaunti Feldhahn My client Cynthia, processes things very quickly; she has...
“Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.” Samuel Johnson What do you most love to talk about? Inspirational ideas? Dreams and goals? Making plans?...
"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity." Epicurus The average American spends 2160 days in...
“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi Here’s how relationships typically work: When our partners are behaving in a way that we find...
“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her...
Listen to this provocative quote regarding marriage from anthropologist Lionel Tiger: “It is astonishing, that under the circumstance, marriage is still legally allowed. If nearly half of anything...
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl Conventional wisdom tells us that if a relationship between two people is broken, then they both need to be actively working...
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more...
“Intimacy transcends the physical. It is a feeling of closeness that isn’t about proximity, but of belonging.” Steve Maraboli Men and women clearly have different strengths. Women are naturally...
"The most important thing in life is knowing the most important things in life." David F. Jakielo Every day I speak with women and couples that are really struggling in their marriages. They tell me...
I was reading one of John Gottman’s books the other night and learned that one of his “go-to strategies” for determining whether or not a couple’s marriage will last depends upon how they recall...
“Worry about yourself!” My new favorite 3-year old. I have tried talking to him, ignored the situation, threatened to leave, but nothing changes. I’ve tried to get him to go to counseling,...
“If you withhold love as a form of punishment, who is being punished?” Donald L. Hicks Here’s how most relationships work: When my spouse is doing the things that I want them to do, I show...
The Mature Marriage: Five Signs of a Marriage in Trouble "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm...
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Mother Theresa I think nothing happens simply by coincidence so when I randomly open a spiritual book and a few...
“Every day brings new choices.” Martha Beck I was having lunch this week with a dear friend of mine who has been divorced from her husband for a little over a year. She asked me for my...
“Not responding is a response.” Jonathan Carroll I was on a call yesterday with a lovely woman who shared with me the frustrations she’s feeling in her marriage: He doesn’t get it. I should...
“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...
“Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.” Dale Carnegie When people are struggling in their marriages, they often go online seeking answers...
“Being a successful couple was learning what you were willing to compromise on, and what you weren't; learning when to stand your ground, and when to give it up; what was truly important enough to...
“I do believe that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50. Hell, maybe 60 can be the new 40, I don’t know. I believe that when we give ourselves permission, we can live with an excitement and heat...
“Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love missed the best thing that life has to give.” Bertrand Russell Nina and I began our coaching session...
“I don’t want to look back in five years and think, ‘We could have been magnificent, but I was afraid.’ In five years I want to tell how fear tried to cheat me out of the best thing in life, and I...
“Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” William Paisley The health of our relationships is directly tied to our ability...
“The way I see it, our natural human instinct is to fight or flee that which we perceive to be dangerous. Although this mechanism evolved to protect us, it serves as the single greatest limiting...
“Hope never abandons you, you abandon it.” George Weinberg My new clients, who I’ll refer to as Andrea and Gary had been together for 14 years, both on their second marriages. Theirs had not...
If you’re struggling in your marriage, you’re going to want to pay attention to this exclusive, limited-time opportunity to change everything about your relationship. After transforming the lives...
“Marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score.” Michelle Obama My husband Derrick...
“Intimacy is a process of discovery with another.” Joel B. Bennett I’ve been studying the topic of intimacy lately and I learned something really powerful that I wanted to share with you… If...
“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie When there’s an ongoing struggle in our relationship, here’s what...
“You can only see what you believe, nothing else is possible.” Byron Katie This week I had the experience of being able to speak with the husband of one of my long-term clients. He was open,...