“The softness of a person’s nature doesn’t mean weakness, because nothing is softer than water but its force can break the strongest rocks.” Syed Mustafa Faraz Ahmad I know a lot of strong...
Soft and Strong
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Marriage Advice
Keeping the Boardroom Out of the Bedroom: Keeping the Intimacy of Marriage
“Exhausted, I started to check out of our marriage, convinced that what we had was fine. After all, our lives looked pretty good from the outside." Sharon Pope, Keeping the Boardroom Out of the...
I’ve Tried Everything and Nothing is Working
“The results you achieve will be in direct proportion to the effort you apply.” Denis Waitley Anne reached out to me and said, “I’ve tried everything. I meditate, I journal, I’ve read dozens...
We’re Missing an Intimate Connection. Here’s Why…
“Throughout our lives we long to love ourselves more deeply and to feel connected with others. Instead, we often contract, fear intimacy, and suffer a bewildering sense of separation. We crave love,...
There are No Guarantees in Love
“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.” Clint Eastwood Donna has been with her husband for 30 years, married 28 years. He’s all she has ever known. They have two kids together, who are now grown...
Can I Have the Life I Want with My Husband?
“Life may not be the party we hoped for… but while we’re here we may as well dance.” Jeanne C. Stein Mandy has two great kids that she adores. As the kids have become older and more...
Three Reasons Why Asking Your Spouse to Go to Marriage Counseling with You Rarely Works
“Nothing dies harder than a bad idea.” Julia Cameron Stacey has been struggling in her marriage for years, specifically the last two years. She feels lonely and empty. She feels unseen and...
Your Lawyer Isn’t Your Relationship Coach
I know I’m behind the times, but I just recently started watching the TV series, Breaking Bad. Our binging has paid off because we’re already into the third season. I’m watching the other night and...
Does It Take Two People to Fix a Marriage?
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them.” Albert Einstein I received a client application recently that shared with me, “We have so many problems and we’ve been...
The Loveless Marriage
“There is one thing worse than an absolutely loveless marriage: a marriage in which there is love but on one side only.” Oscar Wilde Loveless Marriage. Seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? I...
How to Heal After an Affair
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Jalaluddin Rumi The moment when you find out your spouse has cheated on you... Words fail to describe the gravity of how it feels. It...
I Have No Reason to Leave
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as...
I Can’t Leave My Marriage and I Can’t Stop My Affair
“She’s stuck between who she is, who she wants to be, and who she should be.” Unknown Maggie has been married to her husband for 19 years. They have two teenage children, a son who is 17...
When Good Women Cheat
“We are the ones who developed the construct for what is right and what is wrong – mostly in an effort to control others so that we could feel more comfortable, more secure, more right (and...
The Opposite of Love Isn’t Hate. It’s Indifference.
“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not...
There is No Relationships Class. No One Teaches Us How to Do This
“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” J. A. Shedd We go to school for decades to learn about things like math, science, reading and history. We spend years...
We Have Grown Apart. Here’s What to Do…
“When you turn your back, you’ve lost her.” Estee Lauder You’ve stopped sharing your hopes and dreams, passions and desires with each other. Your conversations are ruled by all the logistics...
Why Can’t He Stop Cheating? And Why Can’t I Walk Away? Here are the Options.
“When people show you who they are, believe them…” Maya Angelou My client, Caren, and I were talking last night about her relationship that’s falling apart right now. There have been lies,...
January is Considered Divorce Month for a Reason
“Sometimes your only available form of transportation is a leap of faith.” Margaret Shepard A lot of people make the decision to leave their marriages in January – it’s actually known as Divorce...
His Affair. Her Heartbreak. Rinse and Repeat.
“No woman can love a cheater and not pay the price for it.” Rose Wynters It didn’t happen just once. It wasn’t a lapse in judgement or a one-night stand. It wasn’t just one woman. There were...
The Facebook Affair
“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. Love is about having; desire is...
The Paradox of Loneliness
“I used to feel that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. IT’S NOT. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” Robin Williams We say “I do.” We...
I Should Be Grateful
“Healing works through a kind of detox; things have to come up in order to be released….we can’t just push the darkness down, pour pink paint over it and then pretend it’s not there. We have to look...
Is My Marriage in Trouble?
“Sorrow comes in great waves…but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain.” Henry...
If You Leave Your Marriage, You Take Yourself with You
“Nothing changes until you do.” Mike Robbins Are you struggling with a decision on whether or not to leave your marriage? You're not alone. Abbey called me and said she was ready to end the...
A Cry for Help: When Your Marriage is in Trouble, the Distance Grows Wider and You get Rebellious
“If your marriage is in trouble, can you weather the storm?” Grey's Anatomy When we’re in pain and we feel stuck or trapped in that pain, we can get a little rebellious. When we’re frustrated...
On Some Level, We Knew the Truth
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it to other people.” Virginia Woolf When I’m meeting with a new client for the first time, I always ask them about their...
The Magic Pill for My Marriage
“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.” Saadi If you've been struggling for a long time in your marriage, there’s likely a part of you that wants to make this...
Can a Troubled Marriage be Saved?
“What is uttered from the heart alone, will win the hearts of others to your own.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Natalie’s marriage is on the ropes. She and her husband, Chad, are living apart,...
Will He Ever Change?
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Thomas...
The REAL Story about My First Marriage and Why It Ended
“Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.” Iyanla Vanzant ...
The Safe Marriage
“If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never find it. If you don’t know what you deserve, you’ll always settle for less. You will wander aimlessly, uncomfortably numb in your comfort zone,...
The Single Worst Piece of Advice I’ve Ever Heard from a Therapist
“No matter what you’ve been told, your search for love is not a race against time. It is not a search for a needle in a haystack. It is an intimacy journey, and every step on that journey moves you...
What if There’s Never Any Closure?
“Those things we can’t find closure on, they haunt us. They pop up in our dreams, and creep into our thoughts in idle moments…” Lisa Unger Kristen and her husband were together for 11 years....
The Battle between the Heart and Mind
“…just as darkness is nothing but the absence of light, so fear is nothing but the absence of love.” Marianne Williamson Alena had been divorced over a year. Everyone told her the first year...
What if I’m Alone Forever?
“Your next relationship will be different because you are different.” Sharon Pope, Soulful Truth Telling: Disbelieving the Lies that Keep Us from the Love We Desire Many women find me when...
Heal from a Relationship with a Narcissist & Never Allow that into Your Heart Again
“There is a kind of love that is so deep it consumes our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. There is a kind of love that is passionate, intimate, and connected. Sometimes it’s that kind of love that...
Hitting Rock Bottom in Your Relationship.
“The wider the gap between two people, the more difficult it is to cross. The greater the distance, the harder it is to bridge. And the further away we travel, the harder it is to find our way...
Why Isn’t This Enough?
“There wasn’t a simple answer to the most difficult question in my life. And there was no way to answer that question without either denying my needs or hurting my husband. There was no answer that...
I Love Him, but I’m Not in Love with Him
“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him. Rachel and her husband have been married for ten...
If I’m so Smart, Why Can’t I Fix My Marriage?
“… there was a new voice, which you slowly recognized as your own… determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save.” Mary Oliver, excerpt from The...
When the Arguing Ends and You’re Left with a Grudging Tolerance
“A grudging tolerance of thoughts and feelings is better than an outright struggle, but it leaves you feeling stuck and somewhat helpless. It’s a sense more of resignation than of acceptance,...
Your Sexless Marriage
“In fact, touch is one of the most forgotten languages.” Osho from “Hammer on the Rock” A woman that I’ll refer to as Marilyn reached out to me this week and shared her story with me. She was...
My Single Biggest Piece of Advice for Men
“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Brené Brown I speak with women in...
Where does Marriage Counseling Fail Us?
“The details of what you’re fighting over are negligible compared to your innermost experience begging to be heard.” Sevin Philips, MFT Many of my clients who are struggling in their marriages...
What if Cheating Isn’t Wrong?
There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the same place, so it doesn’t matter which path you take. The only person wasting time is the one who runs around the mountain, telling...
Relationships Drift. Marriages End. Hearts Break Open.
“The most important questions in life can never be answered by anyone except oneself.” John Fowles When my first husband and I went on a boating trip with some friends, we decided to stop in a cove...
Reconciling Divorce and Marriage Vows
“When you are in alignment with the desires of your heart, things have a way of working out.” Iyanla Vanzant All of our marriage vows sounded something like this: “I, ____, take you, ____, to...
It’s Easier to Walk Away from Marriage in Anger and Hurt
“The soul always speaks, and sometimes it speaks the loudest when we block its flow, when we live only half of a life, when we stay on the surface…If we don’t go looking for what lies beneath the...
Are You Glad You Made the Decision to Leave Your Marriage?
“The trouble with life isn’t that there is no answer, it’s that there are so many answers.” Ruth Benedict There cannot be a rebirth without the death of something significant. We all love the...
You Can Trust Yourself Again
“Everything you want lies on the other side of learning to trust yourself.” Vironika Tugaleva One of the things that will keep women stuck in solitude after a divorce, I’ve found, is a fear...
Emotional Abuse is Still Abuse
“It’s never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when the prison gets shut down.” Dr. Steve Maraboli Physical abuse can be easy to spot....
Valentine’s Day when Your Marriage is a Mess
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Dr. Maya Angelou Eleven years into my first marriage, I sat across the table from the...
The Inevitability of Change in Relationships
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us...
That’s His Story
“You know truth by the way it feels.” India Arie Last night I was having a session with a client that I’ve been working with and know well. She had been married for 30 years when her husband told...
Why Can’t I Get Over Him? Here’s 3 Reasons.
“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” Max...
Why We Stay – Even When It Hurts
“The longest journey you will make in your life is from your head to your heart.” Sioux legend Tammy was a woman that found me through Facebook. She had read the blog post I wrote on narcissism and...
Was My Ex a Narcissist?
“Narcissists can make you fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them.” Dr. Judith Orloff I’ve often said that “One day I’ll write about...
The Support of Girlfriends
“There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.” Adrienne Rich, Sources Six years ago when I went through a series of incredibly painful breakups,...
Can We Save this Marriage?
Even good marriages fail. One minute you’re standing on solid ground. The next minute, you’re not. And there’s always two versions: yours and theirs. Both versions start the same way, though. Both...
Staying Stuck in the Questions
“Don’t be afraid of the answers, be afraid of not asking the questions.” Jennifer Hudson Katherine has been married for 27 years. Her kids are grown, out of the house and having children of their...
Maybe Am I in the Wrong Marriage is the Wrong Question.
“There’s a real sense of freedom—for both you and your partner—when you no longer make him or her responsible for your happiness.” Sharon Pope Most of us live pretty conditional lives. We’re...
The Three “F” Words in Your Relationship
“Just because your relationship wasn’t forever, doesn’t mean it was a mistake. It means it was an important chapter in the long story of your life.” Sharon Pope, Soulful Truth Telling: Am I in the...
Love is Durable. Trust is Fragile. Respect is Crucial.
“Without respect, love is lost.” Unknown Author No one calls a Love Coach when their relationships are going well. So, I’ve spoken to thousands of people about their troubled relationships;...
Stuck in Indecision
“Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case, it’s no longer...
What’s Your Story? Is it Keeping You Stuck?
“You’re getting the results of your stories.” Angela Lauria If you’re healing after a breakup, you inevitably have a story about what happened and why the relationship ended. Take a moment and think...
What if You were Already Alone?
“Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story.” Unknown Jeanne had 3 young children and a successful career in Sales. She worked...
The Path out of Emotional Abuse is through the Door of Self Love
“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep…this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually, all of the scars will have scars, and...
Together & Alone
“The trouble is not really in being alone, it’s being lonely.” Christine Feehan I was almost ten years into my first marriage when I realized that even though I had a husband that loved me, family...
The Reason Why He Left
“When your heart is broken, there’s an opening…a small space…for the light to get through.” Sharon Pope To date, there has been nothing in my life that caused me more pain than when I had my heart...
The Awakening
"You will know you are on a journey with a Shaman Lover if you feel a sudden loss of control, a fearsome sense of abandon, and especially an air of foreign-ness…If you thought you would be attracted...
Life Will Never be the Same
“Transformation is never easy or painless, but essential to the growth of our soul.” Elizabeth Gilbert It was the Sunday at the end of a long Thanksgiving weekend. While my husband was out, I packed...
3 Ways to Stay Stuck
“If you feel stuck in your present life…I guarantee you are living in a dungeon made of stories – and none of those limiting stories are true.” Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight When I’m speaking...
Breakups Force Us to Choose Between Anger and Peace
“You act on the outside how you feel on the inside.” Tracy McMillan We’ve all been there. We’ve been in a relationship with someone that we cared about deeply. In my life, I have been hurt and I...
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing to walk away or try harder.” Ziad K. Abdelnour Some really interesting things happen when I share my story in a public way. Many...
Breakups are a Gift
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” Mary Oliver When hearts are broken, it hurts. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve lost friendships....
The Breakthrough after a Breakup
“Each of our paths is uniquely perfect. Life presents us with what we need to grow.” Judith Orloff, M.D. The Ecstasy of Surrender She was crying daily, uncontrollably, in front of clients and behind...
5 Powerful Lessons about Healing a Broken Heart
“God pulls us through life by the heart.” Martha Beck As I’ve been building my life coaching practice, I’ve become very clear on who it is I want to serve. The truth is that the people I can help...
10 Things Every Woman Should Know about Love and Dating by the Time They’re 40!
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” Joan Crawford In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ll keep this focused on love and dating...