"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity." Epicurus The average American spends 2160 days in...
Some Practical Relationship Advice
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Marriage Advice
Let’s Talk Love & Bondage…
“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi Here’s how relationships typically work: When our partners are behaving in a way that we find...
Two Years in Therapy and $6500 Later…
“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her...
Divorce and Our Emotions
“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the...
Comfortably Unhappy
“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all...
Given What’s Happening, Should Marriage Still Legally be Allowed?
Listen to this provocative quote regarding marriage from anthropologist Lionel Tiger: “It is astonishing, that under the circumstance, marriage is still legally allowed. If nearly half of anything...
It’s Not Magic …But It Is Magical
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl Conventional wisdom tells us that if a relationship between two people is broken, then they both need to be actively working...
A Confused Mind Does Nothing
“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey A confused mind does nothing. Someone said this to me in passing recently. They said it as if it had been said a million times before. And it...
If I Lean Back, Will He Lean In?
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more...
Maybe Communication Isn’t the Only Answer to Creating Intimacy
“Intimacy transcends the physical. It is a feeling of closeness that isn’t about proximity, but of belonging.” Steve Maraboli Men and women clearly have different strengths. Women are naturally...
What if I Don’t Want to Save My Marriage?
“A major life decision is never a choice but rather a realization that the decision has already been made.” Doug Cooper My husband and I were newly separated. I had moved into a furnished...
How Important is the Health of Your Marriage?
"The most important thing in life is knowing the most important things in life." David F. Jakielo Every day I speak with women and couples that are really struggling in their marriages. They tell me...
Would You Stay if Your Husband Cheated? Three Questions to Help You Decide if You Should Stay or Go.
“Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it.” Diane Sollee In our Western culture, monogamy is so widely assumed that it’s rarely even discussed before marriage. But that broad assumption that...
Will My Marriage Last?
I was reading one of John Gottman’s books the other night and learned that one of his “go-to strategies” for determining whether or not a couple’s marriage will last depends upon how they recall...
I’m Not the Problem
“Worry about yourself!” My new favorite 3-year old. I have tried talking to him, ignored the situation, threatened to leave, but nothing changes. I’ve tried to get him to go to counseling,...
There is No Such Thing as Destiny
“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” Elizabeth Gilbert April 19th. Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary had I stayed married. I...
When We Withhold Love
“If you withhold love as a form of punishment, who is being punished?” Donald L. Hicks Here’s how most relationships work: When my spouse is doing the things that I want them to do, I show...
The Mature Marriage: Five Signs of a Marriage in Trouble
The Mature Marriage: Five Signs of a Marriage in Trouble "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm...
Why We Choose to Cheat Instead of Leave a Bad Marriage
"The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation." Cheryl Hughes My...
Indecision Sucks
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and...
We Belong to Each Other
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Mother Theresa I think nothing happens simply by coincidence so when I randomly open a spiritual book and a few...
Anything We Are Experiencing, We Are Choosing.
“Every day brings new choices.” Martha Beck I was having lunch this week with a dear friend of mine who has been divorced from her husband for a little over a year. She asked me for my...
He Doesn’t Get It
“Not responding is a response.” Jonathan Carroll I was on a call yesterday with a lovely woman who shared with me the frustrations she’s feeling in her marriage: He doesn’t get it. I should...
The One Who Broke My Heart
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks Michael was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and devilishly handsome. He had a smile that lit...
Having It All Together is Highly Overrated
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson It was about 18 years ago when I was committed to having...
50 Ways We Leave Our Lovers
“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...
I’ve Read Everything & Nothing’s Changed
“Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.” Dale Carnegie When people are struggling in their marriages, they often go online seeking answers...
Neither Wanted to Give In… So They Both Gave Up
“Being a successful couple was learning what you were willing to compromise on, and what you weren't; learning when to stand your ground, and when to give it up; what was truly important enough to...
Why is Fifty Shades of Grey so Appealing to Mature Women?
“I do believe that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50. Hell, maybe 60 can be the new 40, I don’t know. I believe that when we give ourselves permission, we can live with an excitement and heat...
Can I Afford to Leave My Husband?
“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” Ursula K. LeGuin Asking the question, "Can I afford to leave my husband?" isn't the most productive question to ask. I remember the day I walked away...
What’s Important to You?
“…take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and courage to build your life around that answer.” Lee Jampolsky When I was unhappy and struggling in my first marriage,...
Connection and Intimacy: Can It be Created?
“Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love missed the best thing that life has to give.” Bertrand Russell Nina and I began our coaching session...
Have I Outgrown My Relationship?
“Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay...
How We Communicate is a Result of How We Feel
“I don’t want to look back in five years and think, ‘We could have been magnificent, but I was afraid.’ In five years I want to tell how fear tried to cheat me out of the best thing in life, and I...
Communication and Relationships: This Blew My Mind
“Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” William Paisley The health of our relationships is directly tied to our ability...
What’s Creating the Arguing or the Distance in Relationships?
“The way I see it, our natural human instinct is to fight or flee that which we perceive to be dangerous. Although this mechanism evolved to protect us, it serves as the single greatest limiting...
Five Reasons Why So Many People File for Divorce in January and When is the Best Time to Divorce?
“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.” Margaret Atwood January may be the coldest month for both weather and marriages. It is notoriously the highest month for...
Is There Still Hope?
“Hope never abandons you, you abandon it.” George Weinberg My new clients, who I’ll refer to as Andrea and Gary had been together for 14 years, both on their second marriages. Theirs had not...
One Couple. Six Months. Total Relationship Transformation.
If you’re struggling in your marriage, you’re going to want to pay attention to this exclusive, limited-time opportunity to change everything about your relationship. After transforming the lives...
You’re on the Same Team
“Marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score.” Michelle Obama My husband Derrick...
Want More Intimacy? Create Some Separation.
“Intimacy is a process of discovery with another.” Joel B. Bennett I’ve been studying the topic of intimacy lately and I learned something really powerful that I wanted to share with you… If...
Who Will Fix the Relationship?
“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie When there’s an ongoing struggle in our relationship, here’s what...
There are Two Sides to Every Story…and they’re both right.
“You can only see what you believe, nothing else is possible.” Byron Katie This week I had the experience of being able to speak with the husband of one of my long-term clients. He was open,...
What It’s Like When We Love Someone but are No Longer in Love.
“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Elizabeth Gilbert Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in...
How to Make a Marriage Thrive
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” Maya Angelou I wasn’t trying to perform some kind of...
The Marriage We Have is a Result of Our Thoughts
“If you keep examining your mind, you’ll come to see that thoughts of who you are and how it all is are creating the reality you’re experiencing.” Ram Dass Most of the time when our marriages...
The Danger of a Marriage on Auto-Pilot
“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.” Jose Ortega y Gasset Do you remember the day when you held your newborn in your arms for the first time? You instinctively...
Want to Heal Your Relationship? Find Forgiveness.
“The healer you have been looking for is your own courage to know and love yourself completely.” Yung Pueblo Being in relationship with one another forces us to forgive over and over and over again...
Reconnect & Learn Something New about Your Partner
“Each day learn something new, and just as important, re-learn something old.” Robert Breault One of the ways I think our marriages fall off the rails is when we stop being curious about one...
A Marriage Counseling Drawback
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” Richard Carlson If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one particular scenario in my coaching...
Accepting an Apology You Never Receive
“A life lived without forgiveness is a life lived in the past.” Asa Don Brown Sometimes in relationships we hurt one another. When people hurt us intentionally, it’s because they’re hurting...
The Missing Piece in Your Decision to Leave Your Marriage
When faced with major life decisions, it’s natural to take time to ensure the right one is made. Weighing the pros and cons, making lists, asking other’s opinions, doing extensive research, reading...
Seeking Answers for My Marriage…
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell How many books have you read seeking answers for your marriage? How many therapists have you sought out?...
Seek This Before Deciding to Leave Your Marriage
When faced with major life decisions, it’s natural to take time to ensure the right one is made. Weighing the pros and cons, making lists, asking other’s opinions, doing extensive research, reading...
The Secret Wellness Tool that Will Help You Get Through Divorce
Divorce is a loss. It is a loss of a relationship, of course, but it is also a loss of a dream you once held. It may be a loss of an identity. You may lose friendships and you’ll certainly lose...
Are the Empty Nest Blues Placing Your Marriage at Risk?
There's a growing epidemic spreading its way across the nation with a bullseye aimed directly on couples whose kids have flown the coop. No, it's not health issues, retirement money worries, or...
Conventional Wisdom Doesn’t Work in Our Relationships
“Conventional wisdom is no wisdom at all. Conventional wisdom is taking someone else’s word for the way things are.” Richard Marcinko When our marriage or most intimate relationship seems...
Why Do So Many Second and Third Marriages End?
“It’s easy to blame others when things are broken. The hard part is recognizing the part you played in it all.” Unknown Author Here are the unbelievable stats about marriage and divorce*: 40%-50% of...
Does He Have Something to Hide
“Questions are only offensive to those who have something to hide.” Gary Hopkins I see it all the time with my clients, particularly those that are struggling with trying to figure out if they...
The 10 Minute Marriage Fix
Every single day I hear from women, "I'd like to fix my marriage, but I don't know how..." "We've been struggling for so long, I don't even know if it can be fixed..." "If he's not willing to work...
Your Relationship Scorecard
“The minute you start keeping score, you’re destroying the relationship.” Tony Robbins She became controlling, but he shut down and became distant. She stopped wanting to be physical, but he...
Are You the Weakest Link in Your Relationship?
“...hearts are not like hands. two isn’t better than one when the other is broken.” Alexandra Elle We enter into most relationships ill-equipped. Both you and your partner learned things that...
What a Shame.
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran He is a good man. He was raised by his grandmother and taught to be honest and responsible....
Other People Don’t Belong in Your Marriage
“Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your inner voice.” Steve Jobs My client, Victoria, was struggling in her marriage. She and her husband were arguing more frequently, the...
Marriage Vows and Divorce: Is Till Death Do Us Part Still Relevant?
“Waiting Hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering.” Paolo Coelho I’ve never worked with a client who was considering the decision to potentially...
Your Hurt. Your Pain. Your Anger.
“When her pain is fresh and new, let her have it. Don’t try to take it away. Grief and pain…are not things we should try to snatch from each other. They’re sacred.” Glennon Doyle Melton It...
Enough Distracting from Your Disconnected Marriage. Plus an Invitation for You.
“Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.” Adam Hochschild If you’ve spent the whole summer spending quality time with your kids, but also using that as a way to avoid...
Thirty Phrases that can Save a Troubled Marriage
Words are powerful. And although actions are important, our words can be the things that either divide us further or soften us to one another. Sometimes, just a simple phrase can de-escalate an...
How Did My Marriage Get So Bad?
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein When we’re struggling in our marriages, we’re always looking for a way to improve it, to...
Owning My Part: How I Found Success in the Failure of My Marriage
Our life together looked picture-perfect from the outside. We both had good jobs, a beautiful home in a suburban golf community, plenty of friends and supportive families. We took vacations, had...
How to Have a Drama-Free Breakup
I was in love. It wasn’t an easy, nurturing, soulful love. It was the kind of love that rocks your foundation and leaves you feeling consumed. He was the first thing I thought about when I woke up...
The Hidden Toll of an Unhealthy Marriage
“Choosing to stay in a bad relationship will quickly age you because of the stress you’ll create for yourself.” Dr. Christiane Northrup, M.D. Our marriages are supposed to be the most...
How to Admit Your Role in a Failed Relationship (without Blaming Yourself)
When a relationship "fails," it's easy to look back on it with blame and shame. We want to point fingers and attribute the pain to external forces (more often than not, by blaming our exes). But the...
What to Do when Your Relationship with a Narcissist (Inevitably) Falls Apart
A woman I'll call Bethany got in touch with me asking for help. She was 47 years old, had two children, and had been married for 23 years to a man with significant narcissistic tendencies. Although...
When Temporary Separation from Your Partner is a Good Thing
I’m a love coach and I speak to women every single day who are struggling in their relationships. Recently, my client, Sara called me in tears, and articulated something I identified with: “I feel...
I Stayed in the Wrong Marriage for 11 Years
I had a kind and handsome husband. We lived in a four-bedroom home in a suburban golf community. We had nice cars, took vacations and had a wide circle of friends and loving families. I had a good...
What I Know about Love from Being in the Wrong Marriage
I was married to a perfectly nice, stable man for 11 years. Safe and picture-perfect from the outside, my marriage still left me feeling lonely and disconnected inside.When I left my marriage in my...
Stop Engaging in “The Crazy.”
“When you see crazy coming, cross the street.” Iyanla Vanzant Some weeks there are consistent themes across my clients, similarities in the struggles or challenges they’re facing, making it...
Too Little. Too Late.
“The longest journey you will make is the 18 inches from your head to your heart.” Moikanos For months you’ve wanted to feel like a priority in his life…more important than work, more...
90% of You Will Not Attempt to Solve the Problem and More than 50% of You will Divorce.
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I am telling you it is going to be worth it.” Art Williams Over the years I have spoken with thousands of women who are struggling in their marriages and...
Is He on Good Behavior or Is This Lasting Change?
“Lasting change happens when people see for themselves that a different way of life is more fulfilling than their present one.” Eknath Easwaran My client, Margie, has been married for 32...
What if Your Relationship is Complete?
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” Hermen Hesse I know… I know..... We are taught that the relationship with our spouse is supposed to last forever...
How Do I Tell My Husband I’m Unhappy?
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it…it dies.” Tony Gaskins The best predictor for whether a couple will ultimately divorce is not their age, income or even...
You Have 3 Options When Your Marriage is Falling Apart
"Holding an unhealthy relationship close is not love." Gennon Doyle Melton You say you love him, but he hurts you, belittles you, controls you... He brings out the worst in you, causing you to react...
Is This the Kind of Marriage You Hope Your Daughter has One Day?
“A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn’t want for her daughter, nor allow any man to treat her in a way she could scold her son for.” Healthyplace.com Julia told me that she...
It’s Not (Only) About the Affair
“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor…, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not...
The Problem with Staying for the Kids
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love.” Jennifer Weiner Joanne called me in tears; her pain was...
The Disconnected Marriage
“The key problem I encounter working with wounded, depressed, and unhappy people is a lack of connection…starting from a disconnection from themselves and then with others.” David W. Earle ...
Love Him, but Not in Love with Him
“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him. Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years...
Just Because He Lied or Cheated Doesn’t Make Him a Narcissist
“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most...
An Abandoned Home. A Disconnected Marriage.
“When we are feeling disconnected from our partner, it isn’t necessarily a sign to leave, but a sign to go deeper.” Jennifer Wardowski Last summer, my husband and I purchased a 60+ year old home...
The Pain in Relationships is Circular
We all have pain in relationships. And many times, the arguments that result from that pain are circular. “I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only...
When Your Ex is Ruining Your Life
“As you think, so shall you be.” Wayne W. Dyer Samantha is a new client whose ex is ruining her life. She bravely shared with me the story of her life with her ex-husband of more than seven...
Your Husband Left. It Didn’t Happen Overnight.
If you husband left, or threatened to leave, this post was written especially for you. “When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all...
Why is Connecting with My Husband so Difficult?
“She's a woman, you're a dude. You're not supposed to understand her. That's not what she's after.... She doesn't want you to understand her. She knows that's impossible. She just wants you to...
5 Steps to Not Repeating Your Relationship Mistakes
“Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.” Frank Sonnenberg We all have that one friend that swears she’s unlucky at love. Maybe you know someone who always seems to make the same...
What are You Allowing in Your Relationship?
“Settling for crumbs keeps you starving.” Danielle LaPorte Rebecca was in a relationship for five years with Matthew and she had assumed that their next step would be marriage. But there were some...
What I Learned from Jim Masters & How It Relates to Our Relationships
“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.” Abraham-Hicks Yesterday I was interviewed by Jim Masters, a successful TV and Radio Personality and Host of CUTV News and we talked about the...
The Single Biggest Relationship Mistake that We ALL Make
“If you would be different, I would feel better.” Abraham-Hicks If there is one teaching I have learned throughout the years that has made the greatest difference in my life and my most important...
My Affair is Over. Now What?
“I don’t know why we all hang onto something we know we’d be better off letting go of. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have something than...